Savannah softens toward her brother and before she can open her mouth to speak, he’s talking again.
“I trust you all with my life, but Hope stays with me.”
“Okay man,” I pat his shoulder. “We’ll stay for a bit.”
He sighs and collapses down onto the couch, his eyes closing for a minute, the newborn exhaustion a very real thing darkening the space under his eyes, “You two never let me down, you know that?”
My heart stutters in my chest. I feel Savannah’s eyes on the side of my face, but I don’t look at her. The guilt I didn’t feel this morning has just hit me like a tidal wave.
She knows it too.
Chapter Twenty
Ileft soon after Sebastian passed out on the couch. I couldn’t take the silence anymore, the tension that thickened the air to the point where it was stifling. This morning, I was confident he’d be coming back, that we could finally explore whatever this is between us, but now?
The guilt on his face was enough to tell me it’s a war in himself that I’m not sure he’ll be able to win. And I get it, I do. Doesn’t mean it hurts any less.
So now I’m back at my house, music playing as I dance in my newly built dance studio. It still needs my touch but right now, it’s fine for what I need it for. I watch myself in the mirror, at how my body moves and flows to the soft and slow beats ofTheLoneliestby Måneskin. I changed into a tight pair of leggings and bodysuit after I’d unpacked them from one of the many suitcases, tied my hair up and now my skin is glistening in the bright lighting of the room and my chest rises and falls rapidly with my racing breaths.
I haven’t stopped. Song after song has played and I keep dancing.
It’s a release. A distraction.
And this is better than wallowing in self-pity because the guy I’ve wanted for half my life, is going to pick my brother over whatever it is that we have between us. I’m not oblivious to it, neither is he. We have ignored it, turned a blind eye but it was there. It had turned sour until finally, it became too much.
I wasn’t able to stop it as much as he wasn’t.
So, I dance so I don’t cry at the chances we have lost.
I deserve happiness, I deserve the same kind of love my brother has with Willow and Malakai has with Olivia. Killian deserves that too.
Even if we find it with other people.
I won’t chase him.
I don’t want to be a regret that sours his tastebuds.
The song bleeds into another and then another, and I continue to dance right until it feels like my feet are bleeding and my body is so physically exhausted, I’m struggling to stay standing. It’s only then that I admitdefeat, shutting the studio down so I can take a shower and go to bed.
Cleaned, dressed and my hair braided, I head through to the bedroom, the makeshift bed on the floor made up with fresh sheets but the smell of him still lingers.
I haven’t cried yet and I’m not going to now, even when my eyes burn with the threat of them. It’s pathetic, isn’t it? It was one night and maybe that was all destiny had planned for us.
Steadying my breath, I hit the switch and climb onto the mattress, pulling the covers over me. Even with fresh linens, he stays, woven into the threads.
Before I close my eyes, I check my cell one last time, a fleeting moment of hope blooming in my chest when I see I have a new text notification. I open it only to find it’s my manager advising that the final cut of the music video has been completed, and I’m to go to a party on Tuesday where it will be revealed. It’s three days from now but I don’t want to see Adrien.
I choose to handle it in the morning and place my phone back down, forcing my eyes shut. I am so fucking tired. My whole-body aches and I’m still sore between my legs, I need to sleep but it doesn’t come.
I lay there with my eyes squeezed closed, begging my mind to just shut off, to let me go but the claws are in deep.
The door to my bedroom opens and I snap up in bed, a scream building in my throat.
“It’s me,” Killian’s low rasp sounds from the doorway, the little light available only outlining his silhouette.
My heart starts to race inside my chest as the silence pulls tight between us and just when I think he isn’t going to move, he steps into the room, clicking the door closed behind him.
“You’re here,” I whisper. Did I fall asleep, and this is a dream? Am I not even safe from him in my sleep?
