Sometimes we do shit that’s bad for our health. It’s in our nature, to toe the line, wondering if this time will be the last time. Ask any adrenaline junkie, they do it for the rush, for the thrill, but even they know this time could be the last time.
Wearing just a t-shirt in front of Killian is kind of like that.
I could have worn the sweats, rolled them down and tied the string and they would have stayed up but why shouldIbe uncomfortable? Coming out here in just a tee is a risk I’m willing to take.
Killian gives me whiplash.
He’s cold and hostile but I see it. I see the way he looks at me, I felt it. I know I affect him the same way he affects me. The difference between him and Ithough, is he uses thorns and sharp words to deflect, and they hurt every time they slash against my skin.
You exist.
Yeah buddy, I do, and I know I haunt the shit out of you.
It’s empowering really; to know I have a hold on him, even if it goes nowhere. I’m not going to be in this alone or allow him to belittle me.
And me coming out in just his tee is doing a number on him. The muscle in his jaw has been ticking for the past minute and the hold he has on his coffee mug has his knuckles turning white.
Don’t play games, you’re not ready to win.
But I am ready to win. He thinks he scares me, but he doesn’t. I’ve seen him in every situation, the good, the bad and the damn right ugly. Nothing surprises me. I know what he does, I know there is blood on his hands, but I have never felt safer in another person’s presence.
I stand opposite him, cradling my coffee cup while I wait for him to answer me. When it becomes apparent he isn’t going to suggest anything, I start to pad toward his living room where a huge flat screen dominates the wall above a gas fireplace. Grabbing the remote, I throw myself onto the couch and hit the button, scrolling through to Netflix when it loads. It’s not surprising that he doesn’t have an account, so I log myself in and hit play on the episode ofOne Tree HillI had paused on last night.
His steps sound behind me, stopping at the door but not entering any further. I’ve watched this show so many times I can memorize most episodes, but my focus isn’t on the TV. I am so very aware of him, there’s no escape.
“By all means,” He deadpans, “Make yourself at home.”
“Aw,” I don’t dare turn to him, “I already did, but thanks.”
He grumbles something under his breath and then walks further into the room, folding himself onto the couch, all the way on the other side so there’s a whole two seat cushions between us. The TV is barely loud enough to stifle the sound of the rain against the windows, and it doesn’t appear to be letting up any time soon.
I let out a loud sigh and slouch further into the couch, kicking my legs under me to get comfortable before I flick my eyes to Killian, only to find him already looking at me. He doesn’t look away when he sees I’ve caught him.
“Are you ready to accept my apology?” I ask him though I think we are past that now. He came in his pants and then he hurt my feelings, so I think we’re even, but I doubt it’ll be that easy.
“It’s not an apology I want,” He tells me, leaning himself back as he stretches one arm across the back of the couch.
“What do you want?” I pause the TV and turn my full attention to him. His eyes do a slow roll down me,pausing at the bare legs propped against the seat cushions. Everything in me turns hot at the blatant staring and desire that flashes across his face.
Does he hate me because he’s attracted to me?
“Did you like it?” He asks on a rasp, bringing his eyes back to mine.
Outside, a sudden rumble of thunder startles me, making my already racing heart beat a little bit faster.
“Yes,” I don’t lie.
“You wearing only my shirt to get my attention, Savannah?” He sucks his bottom lip between his teeth, dropping his eyes once more to my legs and the hem of the shirt that’s ridden up my thigh a little.
“I – No, of course not.” There’s a lump in my throat and not enough air in my lungs. Is it hot in here? It’s hot in here.
“Don’t lie to me, Savannah.”
“I’m not!” I defend though my cheeks are burning, and my thighs are aching, my stomach twisting up into knots.
His mouth notches up at the corner and a spark ignites in his eyes as he tuts, “So many lies. But it’s okay, I know, and you have my attention.”
“Killian,” I breathe his name as I squirm.
