Aknock sounds at the door and my eyes flick to the clock ticking on the wall, eyes sore from how much I have cried and how little I have slept.
Except for a few spotty areas, I remember everything, including the night it all ended.
It was strange. When it came back, it was like someone had taken the lid off a can and everything overflowed. The heartbreak flooded back but so did the way I felt for him. I did –dolove him.
“Did you order something?” I ask Sloane, watching as she reaches for the remote to stop our rewatch of One Tree Hill.
“No,” She frowns.
“It’s probably Bast or Willow,” I shrug, shoving off the blanket. My whole body is heavy but if I don’t keep moving, I fear I’ll become a permanent part of the couch.
Sloane shoves her nail between her teeth, her anxiety rearing its head in the way her eyes shift around the room, checking all the corners, “It’s fine,” I assure her as I pad through the house toward the door. I should have left the security system running since I could have just checked the cameras, but I turned them all off when I realized both Killian and Dean had access to them. I needed a minute without him, but I should have known that not even a second can pass without me thinking about him.
I pull the door open, fully expecting to see my brother but I freeze when familiar dark eyes land on mine.
“Killian,” I breathe.
He takes a step closer and sound rushes back in. I move back, using the door like its armor. Pain crosses his face, “Savannah,” He pleads, “Can we talk?”
He looks tired, his face a mash of blues and purples from the bruising that’s slowly healing. His hair is a mess, his beard is thicker and messier than when I last saw him.
“I don’t – I’m not–”
“You’re not ready,” He sighs, finishing the sentence for me.
“No,” I swallow thickly, “I don’t know if I want to.”
His eyes squeeze closed, “I am so fucking sorry, Savannah.”
My head shakes frantically, “Stop.”
“Please,” He begs, “I just want to explain.”
“There’s nothing left to explain,” I push down the heartbreak, fight the tears that want to fall. “I remember it Killian.”
Tremors quake through my body, “You ended it. You made your choice, and it wasn’t us.”
“Savannah.”
“Please don’t,” I start to close the door.
“I love you,” He rushes, slapping out his hand to stop me shutting him out, “I fucked up.”
“But me loving you wasn’t enough,” I whisper, “Because you chose them, and you let me go.”
“It was a mistake,” He reaches for me, but I move out of his grasp.
“A mistake isn’t the same as a choice, Killian. Just like the lies you toldwereachoice.”
“What can I do, Tiny Dancer?” His glazed eyes plead with mine, “What do you need?”
I shrug my shoulders, “I don’t know anymore, Killian. Because you broke my fucking heart and then you rubbed salt into it. It’s not as simple as an apology and living happily ever after. I don’t want to be second, Killian. I deserve to be first, and I won’t askyou to choose between me and my brother.”
He doesn’t stop me when I close the door this time and after I turn the lock, I press my back to the wall and sink to the floor.
Sloane joins me there a moment later, throwing a blanket over the both of us before she passes me a spoon and the carton of ice cream that’s practically melted already. A watery laugh bursts from me as I accept the carton, digging straight it.
“Whatever you decide,” Sloane leans her head against my shoulder, “You deserve to be happy, Savvy.”
