“Let’s go,” My brother snaps impatiently. “And don’t get blood on my seats.”
“I’m not leaving with you!” I scream so suddenly and so loudly I catch everyone off guard.
“Walk home then,” He shrugs and gets into his car, backing away without a second thought.
“I’ll take you home,” Jake offers, Sadie’s arm curls around me, it’s only then I realize she is holding me up. My legs aren’t strong enough to do so on their own.
“Why?” I whisper to him, tears rolling down my cheeks.
He looks down at his feet and doesn’t answer.
“Come on,” Sadie starts to walk us toward her car, “I’ve got you.”
“I love him.”
“I know, sweetie.” Sadie says sadly.
“He doesn’t love me back.” My voice cracks.
Her arm squeezes me a little harder and she helps me into the seat of the car, closing my door behind me. He left me here. He humiliated me.
I’m staring ahead but I don’t see anything through the blur in my vision, brought on by the hot, angry tears welling and spilling over my lashes. They leave a molten streak down my cheeks.
Time passes too quickly and before I know it, Sadie is stopping at my house. My brother’s car isn’t in the driveway and all the lights are off, which suggests my parents don’t know what happened tonight.
“Thank you,” I whisper and reach for the handle.
“I didn’t know,” She says before I can get out. “I still don’t understand.”
“I don’t either,” I reply sadly.
“Maybe give him some time, you can work–”
“No,” I answer quickly, cutting her off, “I’m done.”
She frowns, “What do you mean?”
It hurts, so, so bad, this feeling inside of me is twisting me up, making me feel physically sick. It’s a living, breathing thing, so heavy andrealit’s like I can touch it.
Everyone uses me in some way. They use me for what I look like and how that can benefit them, they use me for my family nameand River’s no different. He’s no different to my father who only sees me as a tool, no different to my mother who only looks at the surface of me or my brother who manipulates and cheats to get his own way.
I didn’t believe River could do it, I thought what we had was real but maybe everyone is just the same. Maybe no one truly cares for what I want or how it makes me feel. River took my virginity, he climbed through my window and fixed my car and said all the right things, and in the end, it was all a lie. I don’t understand why he thought he could use me to hurt my family, they don’t truly care. I’m no one to them. I’m no one to anyone.
He fought a battle I’m not even aware of and for what? To humiliate me in front of my brother? To shatter my heart in front of everyone just because he could?
Yes. I love River.
But I used to love my parents too.
Chapter Forty
Ireturn to my bedroom the same way I left, slipping in through the gate and across the lawn to the trellis that leads to my open bedroom window. The thought of climbing doesn’t scare me, not like it did only a few hours ago. I feel nothing inside of myself.
I’m numb.
The thought of falling doesn’t bring fear, it brings peace because maybe if I did fall, I’d feel something other than this crushing sense of nothingness.
Slowly, I navigate my way up the side of the house and then grip the window, pulling myself through. I land ungracefully on the carpet and lay there for a minute, staring up at the ceiling before I remember the wetness between my legs. It makes me feel dirty.
