“You don’t even know, do you?” Jake scoffs. “You have no plan here; you’re just using her because you think it’ll hurt Liam.”
“Shut the fuck up, Jake, you’ve no fucking idea.”
“No, you’re right, I don’t. But as your best friend it’s my duty to inform you when you’re about to make a big fucking mistake. Marly isn’t Liam, River and you’re going to break that poor girl’s heart and for what? Get back at Liam? Get back at the Winchester’s? You really think that’s going to do anything to him? To them?”
“I think you underestimate her importance to those fucks,” But even as I say it, I doubt it. I don’t have any real plan, just that I saw her, and I knew she was a direct line to who I really wanted to hurt.
And I can’t deny that I dofeelsomething for her. She’s been the first person in months and months who has stirred any kind of emotion from me. Possession. Obsession. Need. Desperation.
I don’t particularly want to hurt her because Jake is right, she has no idea, she is innocent, but I don’t see this ending any other way because itwillend. It always ends.
“And I think you’re going to hate yourself when all is said and done,” He gets in the last word and then shoves his headphones in to ignore me for the rest of the day. But his words sit and rot inside my head.
He’s right. I will hate myself, but it’ll be worth it if I finally get payback for what they did to my brother.
Chapter Twenty-six
“Yes, mom,” I stifle my sigh, rolling my neck back and forth as my patience starts to wear thin.
“Good,” She snaps into the phone, “I don’t want to hear you’ve been tothatside of town again, you hear me, Marly?”
She’d blow a gasket if she ever finds out about what I did last night. It also reminds me that I’m going to need to get that scratch repaired before they get home. I could lie and say it happened in a parking lot or something like that, but I’m terrible at lying and I just really don’t want to deal with it.
I mean, I could probably have Rachel arrested for it but that seems like I’ll be adding fuel to a fire I didn’t start. I knew she didn’t like me; I just didn’t realize how much and I’m not going to lie, it irks me because she doesn’t even know me. I’m just a threat to what she has deemed is hers. Even though River made it clear he didn’t want her.
“I hear you,” I respond to my mother.
“Good,” I hear her loosen a breath, “That’s good. Now, how’s it been since we’ve been away? Have you been eating?”
“Yes,” I answer robotically.
“Not too much, I hope,” She adds a lilt to her tone which, to anyone else might be perceived like a joke, but I know it isn’t.
“My normal amount,” I tell her, my stomach twisting. This is just awful. So damn awful. I got home on such a high and now all I want to do is crawl under a blanket and cry a little. They are draining me.
“Well, I’ve got to run, darling, your father and I are going for dinner on a yacht tonight. Say hello to your brother for me, and I’ll see you next week.”
She hangs up before I can get in another word and I sag, letting myself slip down the wall I was leaning against to sit on the floor. I turn my cell to silent and wrap my arms around my shins, bringing my chin down to my knees. I would’ve ignored the call if I didn’t know she would call every minute until I picked up but now she’s gone and ruined my whole day.
I woke up so damn happy this morning, I felt free. But it was a ruse, a lie I made up to give myself one day of freedom, but here I am once again, in this gilded cage.
I need to get out and yet I don’t know how.
My grandmother used to be an escape for me. My dad’s mother but she was nothing like him. Her wealth was sickening, truly, but it never made her change. She was humble. She helped and cared and gave back, so I don’t know where it went wrong with my father. After she passed, her estate went to him which only added more to his ego.
She would be here rooting me on to tell them all to go shove it. She hated my mother and barely tolerated my brother, butme and her had an amazing relationship. It makes me miss my ribbon even more since that is literally the only thing I have. My mother wouldn’t let me go through her things to pick out keepsakes or trinkets, or even pictures of us together, I know she hated that we were so close, and I overheard her on several occasions warning my father that she could rot my brain.
I miss her tremendously. It’s been seven months, and the grief is still a constant ache in my chest. It got easier after the first couple of months, but it never leaves me, even when I feel like I’m floating on cloud nine with River.
She’d love him, I think as I sit here on the floor in the hall. She’d give him hell and question him incessantly, but I know she would like him and tell me to shoot for the moon with him.
There are people that are justgood, they don’t scheme or cheat or manipulate, they just are who they are, and that was my grandmother.
My lashes are wet with fresh tears, dripping over my cheeks and then onto my legs. I just feel so heavy, like I have a boulder strapped to my ankles and I have to drag it around everywhere I go. The pain and the anger are so evident inside of me I can’t even revel in the way I felt this morning waking up next to River. The memories of last night are ones I will cherish but even they can’t fight the grief crushing me from the inside.
I’d come home and practically skipped through the house, I showered and washed my hair again before I’d changed into a pair of leggings and thin sweater. Rain had come in on my way home, chasing away the intensity of the heat and I’d been chilly.
I felt good, sore but good and I couldn’t wait to see River again but now I don’t even want to see myself.
