I could leave. I could go back to the garage and jack off to the feel of her spread over me, I could imagine the feel of her hair across my skin and her laugh in my ears or I could be sane and stay here where my people can keep me grounded.
“Nah man,” I climb from the car, “Just taking a minute.”
He taps the roof of the car as I slam the door shut.
“Shit man, I thought you were gonna lose that race.” Jake laughs, “What happened?”
My jaw clenches, “Got distracted.”
He scoffs, “You don’t get distracted.”
I shrug and reach for another bottle of beer knowing if I have it, I’ll have to leave the Plymouth here for the night. It’s a safe space, open but safe, a staple for us here, a place to go.
I pop the cap and down half of it, “I had it, didn’t I?”
“Obviously,” Jake throws himself into a chair, “But it was close.”
I grunt in reply, lowering myself onto a log that’s been dragged from the woods. People are still partying, looking at the cars lined up that raced tonight, the owners showing off their engines.
“Where you go with Marly?” Jake asks.
“Just away from here,” I tell him, “Gotta do what I need to.”
Silence greets me from his side.
I almost open my mouth to defend myself, but a flash of orange and yellow light catches my attention. I whip my head toward it, seeing some fucking asshole waving around a branch that’s currently alight, the flames spitting and hissing as he waves it around ahead of him.
Fear has me on my feet and the closer he gets, the more my heart starts to thump. He howls with laughter as he waves the flaming branch around, embers flicking off and onto the ground, instantly catching on the dry earth but I do nothing.
I’m paralyzed.
The flames overtake my vision, it’s all I see, licking towards the sky, illuminating the dark, bathing everything in a fiery, ominous red glow. It hisses and it crackles, eating everything it touches.
Sweat breaks out across my entire body and the heat of it burns so deep, I feel it boiling the blood in my veins.
And then the laughter reaches my ears, a cackle of delight as the flames move across my vision.
“What the fuck dude!?” I hear someone yell. But I’m moving already, scrambling away, my feet scuffing across the ground to escape. I just need to get away.
The burn scars across my body react, the phantom burn brought on from the memories making me want to scream.
All I see is the barn burning, the screams of my brother echoing through the night, the rain that did nothing to stop the flames.
I trip over the log in my haste to move away from the fire, landing hard on my back and pain flares through my body, my teeth snapping together to stifle the need to call out.
“Shit, I’m sorry man!” Another person speaks but I can’t get out of the past. All I see is the skin melting off bones, all I hear is that scream and wood splintering and flames roaring.
And then there’s the smell.
It’s oil and gas, it’s wood, but above it all, it’s hair and skin.
It’s the kind of smell you’ll never forget.
The light goes away but I’m still on the ground, my eyes closed, my memories assaulting me.
“River!” It’s Jake’s voice, just like that night, pulling me back. His hands have burn scars too, caused by the fire and pulling me out of it. He held me back when I tried to go back in, even when we all knew my brother was dead, that there was no way he was walking out alive. He held me when I screamed, my skin on fire and lungs burnt.
His arms band around me, holding me down as I try to scramble away and quickly after, the flames disappear altogether, smoke rising toward the sky as the hiss of flames meeting water sizzles in the air.
