“Sebastian,” She breathes, slightly shaking her head. It’s not like we haven’t been tempted before, but this is something else, this is new territory. This is as close to her as I have been without the banter or the teasing.
I always made excuses before to touch her, to tease her, a lie I told myself just so I could get close. But there are no lies here, just truth.
“I love it when you say my name, Red.” I rasp.
Her throat moves beneath my thumb, working on a swallow. “What are we doing here?” She asks.
“You tell me,” I whisper, leaning closer. I could taste her right fucking now, finally satisfy the craving that has been driving me wild for weeks.
“Are you going to kiss me, Bast?” Her blue eyes bounce between mine, her tongue darting out to wet her plump bottom lip.
“I shouldn’t.”
“You shouldn’t,” she agrees but still, I remain planted in front of her.
Just one taste. It’s all I need.
My eyes drop to the thumb pressing on her throat and I see it. The blood under my fingernails, a stain against her ivory skin.
What the fuck am I doing? Am I really willing to risk her? We all know once will never be enough and the more I take the more she’ll be in danger.
BecauseI ama fucking monster.
I drop my hand and take a step back, pretending I don’t see the disappointment crumble her features or the hurt flashing in her eyes. I move further away from her, letting ice cover my body so it can squash the heat in my system and my desire for her.
“What happened tonight won’t happen again, Red.” I tell her and we both know I am not only referring towhat happened at the club. “It’s not my business who you fuck.”
She flinches but schools her features. “Good.” Her voice is strong without a single shake. But I already know how well she puts on a show. She doesn’t realize how I see it all, even the lies she spills so easily.
It isn’tgoodbut I won’t call her on it. It’s better that way.
“Good night, Red.”
Willow doesn’t say it back and still doesn’t as the doors to the elevator slide open and I step into the cart. I turn around before the doors can close, catching her eye. Strength stares back at me, so much damn strength and fight and resilience but will that fade the moment I am gone?
I swallow as the doors slide closed, taking me away from her.
I saw what happened to Olivia when Malakai showed his weakness, saw her covered in blood and his pain as she fought for her life. She was used as a pawn to hurt him, and where my best friend is strong, I’m not so sure I could be. Not with seeing that or going through that with Willow.
Rolling my neck to release some of the tension built there, I step out of the elevator and cross the foyer of the apartment building. Anyone looking in will see sure steps, but little do they know it feels as if I am carrying lead in my shoes and each step away from her is a struggle.
I am not built for a forever kind of relationship, and I came to terms with that a long time ago, so why the fuck am I struggling so badly right now? I don’t believe in soulmates, or fate, orthe one,but if I did, I bet I just left mine on the top floor of this building.
Perhaps it’s punishment for all my crimes. Hell will not be enough penance for all the bad deeds I have committed so now I have to pay them while I still live.
I can’t regret my life choices or where they have led me, and I don’t, not when my soul sings the song of death so well. But perhaps… perhaps I wished there was a little light too. Just a ray to cut through the shadows that keep everything so damn dark.
Calling down a cab, I look up toward the sky as if I’m able to see her on the top floor though I know it’s impossible. But I also know she’ll be at that window, she’ll be watching.
We can only ever be friends. I will always watch out for her, keep her safe but I can’t cross that line. Not if I want to keep her alive.
But Willow Stanton haunts my every move, she is in every breath I take, in every thought, and I honestly don’t know if I am strong enough to stay away.
Chapter Five
The council is spread around the table, with their backs to me where I sit by the door and they look toward the head, at Malakai who sits there casually sipping his whiskey.
All the traitors are dealt with but that doesn’t mean he can’t make the table sweat a little. There used to be twenty who sat in this room, we are now down to fourteen. Six fucking rats.
