“So, I turned to the pits. To those fighting rings because it gave me an outlet, I don’t care if I kill people within those cages as long as I let out what’s built up inside of me. I have a lot of people I care about, a lot of people I need to protect and me fighting in those rings, makes sure I have a clear head to do that. Tonight, I wanted to kill someone. It was my one goal.”
If River is uncomfortable with my story, he doesn’t let it show but he also doesn’t look at me either, just continues to stare at that glass.
“A few hours ago, I found out the woman I love was abused her entire life,” I tell him, “She’s pregnant with my child and is terrified of turning out just likeher abuser.”
His eyes snap up, “She’s pregnant!?”
“Yes.”
“Then why the fuck are you here?” He growls.
“Because I had to let this anger out, there is no other way.”
“Nah man,” River grunts, “I wouldn’t leave my girl if she was pregnant with my kid just because I had unresolved anger issues. You know therapy exists right?”
“Do you have a girl?” I pry.
“No, my life is too fucked up to bring anyone else into it,” He replies.
“And if you fall for someone?” I continue, trying to get in, to see inside his head. I don’t even know why, I don’t understand why I give a shit, but I do. And this is a kid I have no connection to, another person I don’t have the time to care about.
“I’d never let that happen,” He confirms, “And even if I did, the moment they realize just how fucked up I am, they’d leave. There’s no such thing as happily ever after where I’m from.”
“Are you sure about that?”
“I’m sure,” He snaps.
“If you did have a girl,” I go on, using hypotheticals, “Would you still fight?”
Silence greets me.
“It’s because you have it too. And it’s a sickness that has no cure. But you’re young River, you don’t have to have your ass beaten every night.”
He scoffs, “I don’t need your wisdom, Sebastian. I’m here because I need to be, it’s the only way but what is your excuse? Your anger issues and a pregnant woman with some trauma? How about you channel your attention into doing right by her instead of into me? It’s misguided and quite frankly, unwanted.” His eyes blaze with his anger, “If I wanted help, I would seek it because I am not fucking stupid and it’s my own prerogative to get my ass beaten every night because at least when I’m bleeding, I’m feeling fucking something!”
A sigh leaves me. “You’re right.”
And I realize I can’t fucking help him. Whatever this battle is, I can’t help him.
I reach into my pocket, and I pull out my card with my email and my number, “You call this number whenever you fucking need anything, you hear me? If you’re in trouble, if you need money, call it.”
“What are you? A fucking charity?” He snaps, but he takes the card, and he slips it into his pocket.
“Nope,” I stand, downing the rest of my whiskey, “I’m probably your only friend who understands what the hell is going on inside your head. Tab is open,drink as much as you like but I’m out. See you around, River.”
“Yeah,” He replies, remaining in the booth, “See you around.”
I don’t think I will see him again, not for a long time at least, and that’s if he doesn’t end up dead first.
I don’t look back when I leave the club and head to my car, one purpose propelling me forward.
Because as young as River is, and as misguided as he seems, he is right. My attention isn’t in the right place.
The right place is currently sleeping in a bed I should be in, pregnant with a baby I never thought was a possibility.
I didn’t know I needed to be saved but she’s done it anyway and it’s time I save her fucking back.
Chapter Thirty-six
