“Get out.” She says, her voice flat and raw.
“I’m sorry,” Though the words aren’t enough. If I hadn’t stopped it when I did, it would have gone too far, I would have taken from her and would have kept taking from her like the selfish asshole I am. Forgetting who I am and what I do has deadly consequences, ones I am not willing to expose her to.
I leave as she asks, my legs like weight as I put distance between us, every step away hammering in just how fucked I am for her. All I want is to turn around, gather her up and sink so far beneath her skin she’ll never be able to get me out.
The late morning air is chilly with dark, ominous rain clouds tumbling through the sky, quickly snuffing out the sunshine that had dominated the sky when I first woke. The image of Willow is permanently burned into my brain, every delicious inch of her etched into my mind like the most exquisite masterpiece.
Fuck. What did I do?
I pause on the sidewalk, my heart thundering like it’s trying to wage war against my ribcage. The hurt, the betrayal that crossed her face before she shut down is something I won’t forget. I can’t lose Willow.
Can I protect her from myself though? Can I keep her sheltered and away from the dangers of my life?
All I know is that every step I take away from her makes it harder to breathe.
The first drop of rain hits my face as I turn slightly, back toward the doors of her apartment building. She gave it to me, gave me what I asked for. She tried tostop me, but I didn’t listen, I wanted it. She wanted it.
I’m facing the doors again now, the same ones I charged through only hours prior when I thought she was in danger. She slept in my arms the entire night and for the first time in years I slept too. Peacefully and undisturbed.
She’s a train I can’t stop, and I’m tied to the tracks. I want her to ruin me. Destroy me.
Is that worth the risk when I could destroy her too?
Before I can make a decision I’m back in the lobby, punching in the code for her private elevator and getting back into the cart. It feels like hours pass before the elevator stops on her floor, the doors sliding open into her foyer.
I don’t see or hear her as I step back into the apartment, but I don’t waste any time crossing through her space, straight back to her bedroom where I left her. I shove the door open much harder than I intend, forcing it into one of the nightstands still not back where it should be.
And there she is, sitting in that same towel, on her bed staring at the wall.
Her head snaps to me, clearly not having heard me enter and her mouth pops open.
“I can’t do this,” I rasp.
Her eyes narrow, “I told you to leave.”
“I can’t do this,” I repeat, throat tight, “I can’t keep doing this.”
She tilts her chin up, “I haven’t asked you to do anything.”
“I know you haven’t,” I soften, “And I know you won’t, even though I know you feel it too.”
She shakes her head, her eyes averting from mine. A tell I picked up on quite quickly after meeting her that she’s about to lie.
“Save it,” I growl, “You can’t lie to me, Red.”
“But it’s perfectly fine for you to lie to me!?” She snaps, standing abruptly and gripping the towel.
“I never intended to lie to you,” I tell her.
“Perhaps not but you continue to do so,” she quirks a brow in challenge. She’s so damn pretty, in every way, when she’s laughing and her blue eyes are bright and unguarded, when she’s angry or sleeping or dancing. There isn’t a version of her I’ve seen that I haven’t wanted more of.
“You’re right,” I agree, as I step into the room and grab the door, pulling it until it slams behind me. She startles a little at the bang but then crosses her arms.
“I know I’m right.”
I grin, “Fuck it.”
Her brows knot in a frown, “What?”
