But it only intensifies, stronger, harder, faster, the waves rocking the small fishing boat which is too small to fight such a storm.
Each wall of water challenges my control, tipping the boat left to right and I have to hold on to save from going overboard, but as the clouds tumble and roll, and the winds pick up speed, my hope for survival fades.
I fight as much as I can, battle with this small boat through a storm that only bigger vessels and ships are meant to survive, and I already see the outcome to this fight.
A wave taller than I’ve ever seen slams into the boat, flooding the deck with ice cold water and drenching me further, the wind adding a bite that I feel right in my bones.
I’m not too far from the mainland even though it feels like I’ve been on the water for hours, and there are other boats, bigger ones than mine close by, though they don’t appear to be having as much trouble as me.
I’m going to have to turn around, go back to shore and wait out the storm. Another wave rocks the boat, and then another and another, and I’m struggling to get turned when a final wave hits and pushes the boat onto its side. It’s too far over to be able to correct, and the next thing I know, I’m crashing into the icy water.
The boat capsizes, throwing ropes and wood and fishing gear into the ocean that I must dodge to try and get to the surface. The cold is stealing the air from my lungs, my arms and legs feel heavy, my heart pounding so hard I can feel it beating inside my ears.
I break the surface, fighting the waves that try to drag me back down as I furiously tread water. A life ring floats chaotically close by… if I can just get to it.
I swim as hard as I can, fighting the rough waters as the sky darkens. Throwing an arm over the rubber ring, I manage to get a secure hold but, fuck, I’m exhausted.
My bones ache.
I am frozen through.
I won’t make it back to land. I can’t even see land, not this far out and in the water.
Vanessa will think I’d left for good. No one will find my body unless I somehow wash up on a shore, but what of me will be left?
No one would know.
I didn’t get to say goodbye.
It’s the only thought I have, as the ocean continues to throw me around and the cold bites through me.
There were no goodbyes.
It doesn’t take long for fatigue to sink in its claws. I know how this ends, how quickly cold water can rip away life. There’ll be no staying afloat on this ring for much longer, no matter how much I fight. I can already feel my muscles beginning to give in, feel my heart rate slowing.
I’ll fight for as long as I can, but I have minutes not hours.
I hope she understands.
I hope she tells our son about his father. My brothers will take care of her, Maya and Arryn will help her. I know they will.
She’ll be okay without me like she was fine before.
I didn’t want to leave her, but that choice has been removed from my hands.
I feel myself start to slip, the ocean continuing its relentless torture against me, my muscles frozen and weak.
Somewhere I hear the loud horn of another ship, but it’s like it’s being muffled by fog, and the last thing I see before I slip beneath the waves is lightning flashing across the sky.
Chapter Forty-three
It’s been one night since Kolt left. He never returned to the island like Rett and Arryn had promised.
Imogen kept Ethan for the night, and I sat on the docks watching the horizon, waiting for the boat to show up. I waited until day melted into night, sat beneath the dark skies for hours as the cold nipped at me like it was trying to strip me out of my skin. And then I waited longer, as the town behind me went to sleep. A storm had brewed somewhere out at sea as flocks of gulls swarmed towards the island and the water became choppy and rough, but the storm never touched us here.
As if it was willing to give me a reprieve since I had my own storm inside of me.
I’d sat there the whole night, skipping food and drink until the night bled into day and it was with those first glimpses of dawn that I realized he wasn’t coming back.
