“I just gotta clean up real quick,” Vanessa says, her back to me, shoulders stiff and spine straight.
Damn she looks uncomfortable in her own skin right now.
“Trouble,” I try, gently touching her arm to try get her attention away from the dishes that were sparkling clean, but she’s still scrubbing like they have burned grease on them.
I replay the whole thing in my head, replay her broken expression and the tears that fell. Replay how her voice cracked.
I was ashamed because I fucking fell in love with a man who made it so clear we would never be anything. I gave him my body, and my virginity because I trusted him. And then he left, and I felt like a naïve little girl who got screwed over.
God, I fucked up so bad.
And every day I’m fucking terrified because I can’t have my heart broken again.
“Please don’t call me that, Kolt.”
“Why?” I ask, taking advantage now I have her attention, “Because it reminds you of before?”
“Yes,” She admits.
“But you are trouble, Ness. The kind of trouble I want to keep finding myself in.”
“You’re only here because of Ethan.”
“No.” I correct her, “I came back for you. I’m not trying because of Ethan, though I’ll always be around for my son. I’m trying for you.”
She huffs, kind of like a scoff, “Please stop.”
“I won’t.” I get her to turn but she keeps her eyes down, “I won’t stop, Ness. Because I fell in love with you too. Spending those nights with you, watching the stars, witnessing those dark skies melt into dawn, they were the best nights of my life. I want to do life with you, every messy minute of it. I want every sorry and thank you, I want messy mornings and quiet evenings. I want to watch the moon, see every sunset, and count the stars with you, trouble.”
Her breath stutters as she inhales, “Kolt.” She says in a watery whisper.
“I want to love you, Ness.” I tell her, “Every day I was there, I only thought of you. When I was alone and doing things I hated, it was you who kept me from being drowned by that darkness. I never stopped thinking about you.”
“Kolt, please,” she begs.
“How do I fix this, baby?” I plead, “How do I make you see you’re my endgame?”
Her eyes flick to mine, her tears freely running down her cheeks, “It hurts.”
“Can I get a band aid?” I crack the joke and revel in the laughter that bursts from her lips. It lights me up, a break in the clouds after a severe storm.
“I’m not sure a band aid will cover it,” And even though her laugh is watery, and still soaked in sadness, she has a soft smile on her face.
“I can get a whole box of band aids.” I offer, “The store sells ones with pictures on them.”
“Oh, I know,” She says as my thumbs brush over the fat tears on her cheeks, “Ethan won’t accept any band aid without that little frog on it.”
“Is the frog your favorite too?” I ask.
“No, I like the owl.” She shrugs.
“Please give me another chance, Ness,” I practically beg, “Please.”
“I just…” She trails off.
“Let me try,” I inject.
“I don’t know how to anymore.” She says in a whisper.
