But I’m determined to prove to her I’m not going anywhere. That I am here, and I am here to stay. She and I are now tied together forever through our son, but I am damn well going to try and tie myself more to her too.
I’ve never forgotten, not a day passed without me thinking of her in some aspect. She was my light on the darkest of days, thiscandle that burned through my shadows and kept me sane. She kept me human.
And fuck, I want to try with her. I want to know what we could be like. Properly. Without secrets and distance between us.
“I’m not going to keep him from you, Kolt,” she says quietly, “That was never my plan. I wanted you to know… I just couldn’t tell you.”
“I understand,” And I did.Isevered our contact, not her. This wasn’t her fault. “But now I’m here and I’m not leaving, Nessa.”
It broke something in me seeing her so fractured, the girl from the dock and the one sitting in front of me are not the same girl anymore.
She stares at me for a long time, her eyes glistening but no tears fall and then she crosses the room and crouches in front of the TV cabinet, opening the doors before she pulls out a large box.
“There are photos in here, and a couple of drives, pictures, and videos of everything. I didn’t know if I’d ever see you again, but in case I did,” She shrugs, passing it over. “I have copies of everything so you can keep this.”
I take the box from her, wanting to rip the lid off immediately to see everything inside.
“I um,” she fidgets, “I have to bathe and put Ethan to bed, do you mind seeing yourself out?”
Ouch.
“Sure.”
“Good night, Kolten.”
“Good night, trouble,” My old pet name slips out, and I see her physically flinch, but she doesn’t say anything and disappears out of the room, our son in her arms.
With the box in hand, I head out, closing the door behind me. Snow is falling again, coming down thick and adding to the already covered ground. In the distance I can hear the sea rolling against the shore and cliff edges. I can’t help myself as I assess the outside of the small bungalow, it’s in good shape mostly but the yard could use some maintenance and her stockpile of logs for the fire is concerningly low. When did she ever find the time to do all of life’s little admin jobs with everything else?
I know she said she had help with Ethan from Imogen, but that would have only gone so far.
It just hammers in that I should have been here.
I should have raised our son with her, held her hand when she birthed him, cradled him during those long nights.
My feet crunch in the snow as I head back to Torin’s place, the day now fallen into night, the town plunged into a darkness that I never got on the mainland. I can’t remember the last time I saw the stars, not that I could see them tonight with the thick cloud cover.
The box feels heavy in my hands, not literally, but it feels like a weight pressing in on me and I am both dreading and excited to see what’s inside.
Torin’s house is lit up, casting a golden light out onto the blanket of white and in front of the house, Rett and Harper build a snowman, the small girl piled in winter clothes, a hat too big on her head. She beams and laughs with Rett as he hauls a big ball of snow onto the base they’d already built.
“Hi uncle Kolt,” Harper greets with a smile, and I pause.
“Hello.”
Rett scoffs, “He’s so formal,” He nudges Harper with his elbow, “Maybe by the end of winter you can convince him to build a snow man with you.”
The girl gasps, “Will you!?” She asks, wide eyes on me.
Fuck.
Rett is grinning like the little shit he is, “Maybe.”
“If you do, then I would have built a snowman with everyone! So far, daddy is the best.”
My brother gasps in mock horror, “I amoffended.”
Harper rolls her eyes, “You’re always offended but you can’t be best ateverything, uncle Rett, like cooking, momma is best. Your cookies tasted like flour.”
