“Everything okay?” Torin walks into the kitchen next, a frown on his stern face.
He always was so serious.
“Kolt here was just telling me about his relationship with Vanessa.”
“Ness? Really?” Torin says.
“I wasn’t doing shit.”
Rett rolls his eyes, “Come now, Kolt. Tell us all about it.”
Rett stirs the pot, reveling in all these little secrets while Torin stares blankly, “He’s my son.” The words stutter out of me, pain lining each one. I’d missed so much. Lost so much time.
She had my baby without me and where was I? I didn’t even know. She tried to contact me, and I’d severed every connection. Granted I’d had to, but it doesn’t make it any easier.
“What?” Torin grunts.
The smirk has been wiped off Rett’s face, concern now lining his expression. “Shit,” He hisses beneath his breath, “You never knew.”
“Knew what!?” Torin demands.
“Ethan is my son,” I whisper, “I have a son.”
“I thought you knew,” Rett steps in.
I shake my head.
“Fuck.”
“What’s going on?” Maya walks into the room, a pair of empty mugs in her hand.
“Little doe, I’ll make the coffee,” Torin tells her, “We just need a minute.”
“What happened?”
I focus on their interaction. Focus on how much Torin gives her his attention, touches her where he can, soothes her in between and then kisses her so gently, I wonder where the brother I knew went. He’s so damn happy it hurts something inside of me, something that is missing.
I didn’t know how to explain what happened between Vanessa and I, didn’t know how to tell them I’d fallen in love with a girl ten years younger than me in a matter of weeks and never moved on. How do I tell them I failed her so explicably there was no coming back from it?
She had to do it all without me. Despite the decision I made being the right one, I failed her. While I did right by everyone else, I did wrong by her.
I took and she gave.
“Let’s rewind a moment,” Torin says when Maya has left the room, “You and Vanessa?”
But I just shake my head, not wanting to delve into the history. “What do I do?” I ask instead.
“Well big brother,” Rett clucks his tongue, a grin on his face, “You’re a daddy. It’s time to step up.”
I simply glare at him. I have no patience to deal with his games right now, “Well no shit, Everett,” I grunt, “I’ve missed two years of my son’s life. How do I get that back?”
“What about Vanessa? Is she…?” Torin doesn’t finish.
“I’m heading over this evening, to meet him.”
And truth be told… I am fucking terrified.
More than any job I’ve ever been on. That two year old boy is scarier than any mark or hit or mission I’ve ever been a part of.
