I do as I’m told and take Sloan’s hand in mine.She’s so much smaller.I watch how I thread our fingers before my gaze comes up to hers again. The look she gives me causes a flutter in my chest, and I have no idea when someone last looked at me like that.
Like they liked what they saw.
I pull her over to the refrigerator, making her laugh. “What?” I ask her in the same way she just did. “I didn’t make the rules.”
Gathering everything we need, we sit on the couch, Lio between Sloan and me, a blanket over us while we watchcartoons and eat ice cream. There isn’t any more thunder, but it’s still raining heavily, and I have to keep breathing deeply. With the panic attack just under the surface, ready to grip me, I try to keep my attention on the television or her and how she laughs with Lio.
I reach over Lio to grab Sloan’s hand on the blanket and hold it. She cocks an eyebrow at me, and I tell her softly, “I need a little more support from my thunder buddy.”
She smiles, and her attention turns back to the television, but her thumb starts to stroke the back of my hand, the soothing movement settling my nerves while simultaneously making my heart beat faster.
“Can we do that?” Lio asks, making both of us look at him.
“Can we do what, bud?” I ask, not having paid attention, and he points at the television. The kids in the cartoon are outside, dancing in the rain and hopping around in puddles.
“Sure, that looks fun,” Sloan agrees, letting go of my hand and standing. Lio jumps up excitedly, causing him to cough, making Sloan freeze and look at me concerned. “I mean, we can… right?”
Oh, now you ask for permission?
I chuckle. “You two sure can. I’m going to wait for you with something warm to drink.”
“But thunder buddies need to stay together,” Lio tells me with puppy dog eyes.
Fear starts to climb up my spine again.
Going outside when it is pouring.
I breathe in deeply, trying to calm down, thinking about my therapist, who told me I should face my fears and confront them head-on.
I have never done that before.
I always hide.
“You don’t have to, Hunter. Lio and I are going to play in the rain and come back for a shower and tea,” Sloan reassures me with knowing eyes, but I want to do it.
For Lio, for me.
Forher.
“I do. Let’s get your raincoat, bud,” I tell Lio, who runs to the door, cheering. “Slowly!” I yell after him.
“I didn’t want to bring you into a situation you don’t like. I’m sorry,” Sloan mutters beside me, but I reach out and grab her hand again.
“You’re just going to have to hold my hand for it, thunder buddy.”
Her cheeks turn adorably red, and she whispers, “Of course.”
We follow Lio, and I have to let go of Sloan to help him put on his rubber boots, raincoat, and beanie. It’s not as cold anymore as it was just days ago, with temperatures back to normal for September, but it’s still late and chilly, and I don’t want him to catch a cold on top of his coughing.
North thinks we should wrap him in bubble wrap, never letting him do anything outside the house, but I refuse to do that. He has to have childhood experiences. As long as the doctor doesn’t forbid it, I will let him be a child.
I put on my own rubber boots and rain jacket but watch Sloan as she tries to put on her sneakers.
“That’s not gonna work,” I tell her, pointing at her shoe choice.
She just shrugs. “I don’t have anything else.”
Oh no, nobody is going to get a cold on my watch.
