Lost in her, I can’t begin.
Crumpling the note, I throw it into the trash can next to my bed and press my palms into my eyes.
God, that was just plain bad.
I have tried to bring it to paper, to somehow process the storm brimming inside me, but it’s no use. Nothing that comes out helps or is the least bit good. I don’t know how to stop this. I’m torturing myself with the memory of that night, even though she has never since looked at me again the way she did then.
And God, I tried.
Maybe that’s the whole point, why I can’t get her out of my head.
I tried, and she refused me.
I can still feel her nails digging into my shoulders, her hot breath next to my ear, her plump bottom lip between my teeth, and hear her soft whimpers.
“Fuck,” I exclaim, pushing away from my desk.
“Nash, get your lazy ass ready. We need to go.” North’s voice comes through the wooden door to my room.
Checking the clock, I see it’s still way too early. I just couldn’t sleep, so I’m already up and doing what I’ve been doing for the last few days whenever I’m alone.
Obsessing over her.
I just need to be with her one more time to fuck her out of my system and prove to her and myself that I can have her again if I want to.
Yep, that’s gotta be it.
“Coming,” I yell, making my way over to my dresser and grabbing a black hoodie. I’m already wearing a thick sweater, but it got fucking cold yesterday on the boat, so I’m making sure I don’t freeze again. The weather has been crazy lately, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it starts to snow this evening.
I head down the stairs to find North, Hunter, and Lio in the kitchen. “Morning Li-Li,” I singsong while I ruffle Lio’s hair, earning my regular scowl from Hunter.
I love to ruffle his feathers.
North is pouring himself a mug of coffee while I open the refrigerator and look inside. Not a single energy drink,again. I wanted to bring one with me and maybe share it with Sloan.
“Hunt, could you please get me some energy drinks next time you go grocery shopping? You know I would get them myself, but that damn store is only open while I work.”
Hunter doesn’t even look up from the scrambled eggs he’s making when he retorts, “They’re not good for you anyway.”
I chuckle, shaking my head. “They would be for Sloan too,” I share, hoping that mentioning her makes him budge. I noticedhow he seemed to have a soft spot for my little siren yesterday. “Also, you’re not Mom, so stop mothering me.”
He stands straight and turns to me, and I can see North smirking to himself when Hunter tilts his head and says in a mocking tone, “Oh, I’m not Mom, but I can call her right now and ask her what her opinion on the matter is.”
I just give him the finger, close the refrigerator, then pull a fork out of a drawer, stealing some eggs from the pan he’s stirring. Hunter bats me away with the spatula, making Lio laugh.
Sticking my tongue out at Lio before grabbing an apple from the fruit basket on the table, I follow North out of the kitchen to where he’s already opening the door. When we step out of the house, I shudder at the crisp morning air. “Fuck, I hope I have some gloves in my locker, or my fingers are going to freeze to the crane,” I tell North as I open the door and sit in the passenger seat.
He starts the engine and turns up the heat. “Make sure they all wear some when you guys go out today.”
I nod, biting into my apple, which makes North shoot me a side-eyed glare, but I just ignore him. It’s just an apple. It isn’t like I could spill it in his precious car.
He’s fidgeting, tapping his finger on the steering wheel, and biting his lip, making me frown. His behavior has me pausing and wondering what is going on.
He’s never anything but his cold, sterile self anymore.
“What’s wrong?” I ask him, turning to look at him more closely.
“Nothing,” he states, void of any emotion.
