There is fear and hostility in her presence, so I let the camera come down again and just nod, my gaze still fixed on the cheesy cuteness unfolding before me.
“I don’t want your help, and I don’t want her to know that I’m here,” Shannon states, nearly hissing at me.
I quickly glance at her, frowning, hoping she can read the question in my eyes.
Why?
“I see the light, okay? I see it, and I know I have to get there, but I made a promise. And if you knew me, you would know that I keep my promises.”
I bite my lip. That’s another thing that keeps spirits from finding peace.
Promises.
Never make a promise lightly.
Tally and Tim are laughing loudly about something, so I whisper, “I’m sure she would let you out of the promise. You don’t have to stay behind.”
“It’ll be over soon anyway. I promised I would be at her side for the birth. And I will be. After that, I will go into the damn light, okay? Just don’t tell her I’m here. I don’t want her to get upset. It could be bad for the baby.”
I nod, understanding her at least a bit. The birth isn’t too far away, so Shannon should be fine. If not, I could still help her afterward if I’m still around.
Didn’t I want to stop doing this?
I do, but as if I could not help the mother of the girl who is like the nicest and kindest person ever.
TWENTY-FOUR
The cold is biting,a relentless chill that seems to seep right into my bones. The room’s silence is only interrupted by my own uneven breathing.
I’ve been screaming for what feels like hours, my throat raw, begging for a nurse, pleading for the bathroom.
But no one comes for me.
No one hears me.
No one cares.
Then, the inevitable happens. I can’t hold it in any longer, and I feel the warm wetness spread beneath me, between my cold thighs, contrasting so sharply with the room’s chill.
A few minutes later, the hatch in the door springs open, letting light flood the room, stinging my eyes before it gets closed again. The door creaks open, and now the blinding light from the corridor momentarily stuns me. A nurse steps in, her face twisted in disgust. Without a word, she dumps a bucket of icy water over me, making me gasp, the shock of the cold water taking my breath away.
She sneers. “It’s your own fault for pissing yourself. Crazy girl, you could have called out for someone! I’m not going toclean that shit.” Then she’s gone, leaving the door slightly open, letting an even colder draft of air in.
Tied to this bed, all I can do is shiver uncontrollably.
Why?
I knew this was going to end badly.
Why didn’t I tell him to fuck off?
I would never have landed in this godforsaken place if I’d just told him to leave me alone.
The cold amplifies every negative thought, every fear, every regret. I try to focus on something warm, something comforting.
My own little house, with a garden where I can plant herbs. A fireplace within it, warming a whole living room furnished with big, comfortable couches. A warm body beneath me, pulling me close and kissing my forehead. Whispering lovely things in my ear.
A home.
