I bolt upright, my heart racing. The voice, barely more than a breath, seems both not and yet undeniably real.
“Nan,” I sob, my fingers digging into the bed’s edge, a part of me aching to leap up and embrace her, even though I know it’s impossible. There she stands, happy and healthy, a stark contrast to the frail figure I remember from her final days. She’s back to the robust, beautiful woman who raised me, the one who stars in so many of my memories, in almost all of them.
“Sloany, I’m so sorry I couldn’t come sooner, but time doesn’t work the same way here,” she apologizes, her voice laced with a warmth I’ve missed so fucking much.
“Are you okay? Are you… are you happy?” I ask through tears, hastily wiping them away, not wanting them to blur my vision. If this is the only time I get to see her, I don’t want to miss a thing.
“You’re asking ifI’mokay? You know there’s no unhappiness in the light. You’ve seen it enough times. The real question is, how are you?” Her gaze is tinged with sadness, that same penetrating look that always seemed to reach into my very soul.
“I wasn’t okay for a long time. I thought things were getting better, and then it all crumbled again. Now, I’m not so sure. Insome ways, I’m okay, but in others, not so much.” The words spill out of me.
Does that even make sense?
But Nan nods at me knowingly. “I’ve seen it all and understand, but know this… things are as they should be. You’re exactly where you need to be, and everything will be all right.”
I can’t even explain what just happened in my chest at her words. It’s like my anxiety that’s always lingering in the back just sat down. “I hoped so much that you were at least watching,” I murmur, my voice barely more than a whisper.
She chuckles, a sound that resonates with knowing and love. “Oh, I watched. It’s been quite entertaining,” she says in that uniquely knowing way of hers.
“I love all four of them,” I admit in a quiet, almost hesitant voice.
“I know, and they love you too,” she responds, her smile gentle and reassuring.
“And you’re okay with that?” I ask, my voice tinged with uncertainty. I’m not sure what she thinks of me for being with four men, and brothers at that.
“Sloany, I want you to be happy, and they seem to do that… at least most of the time. Remember, no one is perfect. Your grandfather used to drive me up the wall quite often,” she says with a hint of humor.
I can’t help but laugh softly, remembering the beautiful relationship they had. “But you were the one always talking about soul bonds and soulmates. How does that match your beliefs?” I ask, worried about the answer. “Soulmates, two people that were made for each other?”
“Who said that a soul bond had to involve only two people? I never told you that there’s only one soulmate for everyone. I simply believe that the souls we meet in life are predestined, andthere’s a reason for everyone you let into your heart and life. It’s the connection you can’t explain.”
“But it’s unconventional to feel this way for more than one person,” I argue, my gaze dropping to my hands in my lap. Talking to Nan about the doubt that Tally planted unintentionally is everything I’ve longed for since it came out of her mouth.
“And who defines what’s conventional?” Nan asks, her head tilted slightly as I look back at her.
“I don’t know. Society, I guess,” I reply, somewhat sheepishly.
“Why would you follow rules you didn’t make yourself when it concerns your heart?”
She’s right.I knew that already, but having her blessing and knowing she’s fine with how I want to live my life…
It’s everything.
That only leaves…
“So you know about Saylor?” I ask, feeling a fresh wave of tears threatening to spill. She simply nods, offering me a sad smile.
“That boy is something else. I like him.” She smiles, her voice carrying a warmth that provides a small comfort.
“I’ve never experienced anything like what I feel with him with other souls. Do you know if there’s anything we could do to help him?” I ask with faint hope.
“He’s in limbo, his soul caught between life and death,” she states matter-of-factly, but it’s more information than guidance. “And he’s different because what you have is a soul bond, Sloany.”
I nod, tears streaming down my face.
I knew that. Deep down, I knew that all along.
“But what can we do? They’ve tried everything… every doctor, every specialist. No one has any answers,” I press, seeking some direction, some solution.
