“Sure,” I say quietly, not looking up from my task.
“Sure, if you call being moments fromup and running away,all right, then yes, she’s all right,” Saylor remarks from where he’s leaning against the table next to us, his arms crossed over his chest. He tried to make me talk earlier, but I told him the same thing I told them.
I’m fine.
But he can feel it. He sees it in my eyes. He told me I looked like my fight-or-flight response had kicked back in, and the lever was on flight.
“How come I don’t believe you,” Tally accuses before she chomps on another fry.
“Because she’s lying,” Mac states, stepping up to me, taking the fork and the cloth out of my hands, and setting them down on the table. He then takes the chair next to me and slides his arms under mine, pulling me onto his lap, arranging me like a child, and grabbing my chin to make me look up at him. His eyes search mine, and I can’t do anything to prevent them from tearing up. “What’s wrong? What happened?” Mac asks in his gruff voice, frowning. “Whose face do I have to punch in?”
It makes me smile, but I shake my head so he lets go of my chin. “No one’s, it’s just…”
“It’s just that she’s getting cold feet,” Saylor dryly states, and when I look over at him, he’s biting his lip.
I hate that I’m so transparent to him.No pun intended.
“It’s what?” Tally asks, and I find her gaze over the table.
It’s a constant fucking battle between my head and my heart.
“Hunter was here today. He brought me everything to fix up the van. It’s running again, and the heater is fixed,” I tell them, and Mac squeezes my thigh.
“That’s good news, isn’t it?” Mac questions, not understanding what I’m saying.
“It’s giving her an out,” Saylor accuses, and I can feel his hurt.
I hate hurting him.
“I haven’t decided yet,” I grumble, giving them both an answer.
“Decided on what?” Tally furrows her brows. “It’s good, Sloan! No need to freeze anymore.”
They don’t get it, but I need to talk about it. I need someone to talk me out of this who isn’t a Jones, or I may just have a panic attack and drive away after my shift.
“It’s drivable again,” I start, not quite sure how to broach the subject.
“I fucking hope so, or you’d be a pretty shitty mechanic.” Tally laughs, and I give her a small smile.
“She’s thinking about getting back on the road,” Mac mutters, and a little roughly, he sets me back down on my chair.
“I—” I start, but he’s already standing again.
“The scared little mouse wants to run because it’s easier.” Mac crosses his arms over his chest, glaring at me, basically taking the same position as Saylor behind him.
“No, you don’t!” Tally accuses, holding her belly.
Fuck, I need to stop agitating her. I’m a selfish bitch.
I stand, facing Mac and Saylor. “I’m scared, okay? I’m fucking scared because, let’s be honest, if I stay, there is no way I’m not letting them back in because theyareback in. They never fucking left!”
Saylor nods to himself, looking down at the floor.
“And what about that would be so fucking bad, Sloan? What? Having three guys who would do fucking everything for you? Getting the joy you fucking deserve after all those years of being alone? Are you this afraid to be happy?” Tally asks, her eyes welling up.
Fuck.
“What if they hurt me again? I can’t have all of them. I can’t get hurt again,” I state, biting my lip. “I’m broken as it is. I can’t let them shatter the pieces that are left.”
