I want to retort something like, “You’re showing up to run with me. I didn’t ask you to,” but I think better of it and give him the finger, making the side of his lip slightly pull up.
That’s right, Thundercunt.
When I’m ready, we start our run without talking. The whole way, we’re quiet. It’s peaceful. And when we return to the van, he walks away without having said one word to me today.
I climb back in the van, but Nash is gone. Only his smell still lingers like an ocean breeze. There is another note on the made sheets, and sighing, I read the new poem. ‘I burn for you,’ it says. Well, all I feel is cold now.
What the fuck am I even doing?
I need to get my life together. This state isn’t sustainable in the long run. My feelings for them never went away. I know that. They just got buried under hurt, hurt over how they treated me and what they thought about me. But Saylor was right. They didn’t reject me because they thought I was crazy. They thought I was a liar.
It’s not much better, but now that they know I’m not, they’re trying to make amends. I’m still hurt about how they acted when they decided I wasn’t worth listening to. But if I’m completely honest, the biggest reason I’m pushing them away isn’t my wounded pride or feelings.
It’s fear.
I’m so damn scared of letting them back in, only to be pushed away again. Because what happens if I forgive them? I’m still in love with all of them and unable to choose. And they’llmake mechoose. Each of them will try to win me over, and then they’ll demand I make a decision, which I can’t do, not only because of them but also because of…
“Saylor,” I whisper, feeling the longing tearing at my heart. “It’s been three days. It’s time for your pretty ass to come back to me.”
Repeatedly mulling over my thoughts won’t help, so I grab a pair of jeans and my green sweater, sniffing it to make sure I can wear it one more time before heading to the restaurant to wash over the sink.
Gosh, what I would give for a shower right now.
I lock the restaurant door behind me after I step inside and head to the bathrooms, locking the main door as well, just to be sure. Stripping out of my sweaty running clothes, I stand naked in front of the sink, grab my coconut-scented soap, and start with my hair.
When the conditioner finally rinses out, I grab my small towel to remove excess water and leave it damp over my shoulder. Then, I wash my body, scrubbing myself with force, my skin turning red. It’s cold like this in here, naked and all wet, so I try to be quick.
A tingling tug on my heart makes me gasp and turn, and suddenly, Saylor stands in front of me, arms crossed over his chest, looking grumpy. He’s about to say something when his eyes scan my body, and the anger is replaced with heat and…concern?
“Fuck, what are you doing? Stop,” he commands, taking a step closer, his hand landing on mine that’s holding the towel, sending a shiver over the back of it.
“Saylor,” I whisper, feeling my nose burn.
He’s back. He’s here.
“I was just about to finish our discussion about you being a brat and unsafe, but it seems we have to have another one on how you’re treating yourself first,” he grumbles, his gaze finding mine.
Treating myself?
“What—” I start, but he cuts me off, his fingers gliding up and down my reddened skin, making it tingle.
“Treat yourself like you would treat the one you love,” he whispers, and I glance down at the red marks I left with my rough scrubbing. “Would you wash me like that?”
I furrow my brow. “No.”Of course, I wouldn’t.
The grin spreading over his face makes his eyes shine. I basically just told him I loved him, but, well, dammit,I do.
“Then be gentle with yourself. You’re mine, and I treat what’s mine with care,” he whispers, the grin softening into a smile while his eyes become hooded. He looks down at my body, his fingers gliding down my upper arms. “Wash yourself, but imagine it’s me washing your perfect body.”
“I—” I start to protest, but he pecks my lips, cutting me off. Stepping behind me, I can feel him against my back, goose bumps rising everywhere as his arms come around me, and he leans down to whisper in my ear. “Follow my lead, but be gentle.” Tilting my head, I give him better access to my neck. I close my eyes, surrendering to the sensations coursing through me. Saylor’s lips trail along the sensitive curve of my neck, his hands moving softly over my arms like a feather. I follow with the towel, gently moving it over my skin. His hands trail down my sides, over my belly, my hips, and my thighs. I love feeling him after having him gone for so long.
With each kiss and caress, the tension that had gripped me slowly melts away. “Saylor,” I breathe out, my voice barely above a whisper. “I’ve missed you.”
He continues to lavish my neck with kisses but pauses long enough to murmur against my skin, “I’ve missed you too… more than you know.” I turn around to face him. Our eyes meet, and the intensity in his gaze leaves me breathless. Without a word, he leans down to kiss my lips. It’s a kiss that speaks of our unspoken feelings, lingering while his hands glide up and down my sides.
Saylor breaks the kiss and whispers, “I think you’re still dirty. We missed some spots.” His eyes hold a mischievous glint.
“You think?” I tease back, but I’m trembling slightly, and goose bumps cover my skin from his touch and the cold.
