Just thinking about doing them makes sweat form on my neck and my pulse quicken.
She sits up straight in her chair, furrowing her brows. “But you did one for the guys and Jessie, for me and my mom.”
I glance over at the register where Shannon is standing, leaning against the wall, watching us, listening intently.
“I did that because I love you, and you needed it. And I did it because Lio needed it,” I whisper, biting my lip.
As much as the guys needed it, but I don’t have to admit that I faced my fears for them after how they treated me. That’s just pathetic.
“So what? Other people need it too. Do you think wanting to talk to a deceased loved one is just for fun and giggles?” Tally frowns at me, and the air shifts.
Is she kidding me?
I’ve done readings since I was a little girl. I know the struggles people have when they decide to find a medium. “What? No, of course not, I—” I start, but she cuts me off.
“You think not everybody deserves you helping them?” she accuses, and I lean back, shocked.
What landmine did I just trip on?
“Tally, I—” I try to keep my voice down, but my blood turns to ice at her tone.
So, this is where this friendship ends?
Not because of me having a gift but because of me not wanting to use that gift?
Never would have seen that coming.
“There are people who miss their loved ones, who are suffering, and you won’t help them because you’re ashamed of what you can do?”
Why is she so harsh?
I gave her what she needed. I faced myfears for her. And I’ll do it again.
Forher.
But everything I went through, everything that happened…
She has no idea.
Maybe that’s the problem.
“I don’t want to help them because helping them got me locked away in an institution for three months. Helping them threw me into a black hole of darkness with no sound, no light, no warmth.” I want to share with her what made me this way to make her understand, but in doing so, I stoke my anger at the situation, and my tone grows harsh. “Helping them brought me trauma and pain, and helping them made me suffer while mynan diedalone.I helped others, and it kept me from helping her! Using my gift ruined my life, Tally!” My voice rises with every word, and I yell the last part at her, making Shannon rush over to our table, pointing a finger in my face.
“Don’t you dare talk to her like that!” Shannon warns, seething.
“Oh, but she can talk to me like she just did?” I counter, standing so I’m not sitting while she’s leaning over me.
“Mom?” Tally asks, and I nod slightly but don’t look over to her, my eyes not leaving Shannon’s.
“She’s pregnant, she has mood swings. You have no idea how hard the last few days of a pregnancy are. She could have the baby any day now. Cut her some slack. All she’s doing is being there and helping you. Helping you seereason. And you can’t even handle some hormonal spikes for her?” Shannon’s voice is stern, making me feel bad.But that’s nothing new lately. “I’m sorry that happened to you, girl. But it’s over. You can stop fighting for your life and start to live. Start being a friend to the one that is yours.”
Her words make me pause. I’ve been in fight-or-flight mode since it happened.
Survival mode.
Just trying to make it to the next day somehow. Trying not to drown in grief, loneliness, and pain. Making it to the shore, not knowing what waits there for me.
I glance at Tally.
