She letmetalk to Jessie and lifted the crushing weight of despair on my chest, only to put it right back there in the form of guilt.
I grip strands of my hair, pulling hard.
I can barely breathe.
Nash’s anger turns to despair, too, and his shoulders slump. “I should’ve backed her up, should’ve stood by her side,” he admits, his voice heavy with regret. But when his eyes come up to mine again from the floor, they still spew fire. “I shouldn’t have letyouhold me back.”
“Enough!” Hunter hisses, his voice shaking with pent-up rage. “We’re all to blame here. We pushed her away together, and now she’s gone.”
“Gone? She left?” Nash asks, looking like Hunter crushed the last shred of hope left in him.
Hunter’s eyes bore into mine, his voice filled with resentment. “Yes, she’s gone. She drove in the opposite direction of Lubec because someone told her she’s not welcome there anymore.”
“Can’t remember you standing up for her either,” I mumble, knowing damn well accusations don’t help us in the least right now, but my despair pushes me to lash out.
“She told me that she’s done with us and won’t be part of our lives anymore, but I can’t and won’t accept that. We have to find her.” Hunter’s shoulders slump, but his eyes fill with determination. “We can’t let her slip away because of our stupidity.”
Nash nods. “You’re right,” he chokes out. “We owe it to her to make things right. To apologize. Fuck,” he grunts out, letting his head fall back. “I should have never…” He deflates, and all the anger in the room drains, making room for more guilt.
The desperation in his voice ignites something within me—a need to right my wrongs, to apologize and somehow make amends for the damage I’ve caused.
For all of us.
“Let’s go find her,” I decide, already turning to the door. “Maybe she’ll listen if we all go after her.”
“What about ‘better not to overwhelm her with all of us?’” Nash points out what Hunter said to make us stay behind as he ran after her alone.
“He was wrong. Come on,” I urge.
“What about Lio?” Nash asks, looking down at the little one sleeping in the hospital bed.
My heart is torn, pulled in two directions by the need to find her to apologize and the need to stay by my son’s side.
Hunter finds my gaze, searching for answers I don’t have. But I’m the leader, the brother they always looked up to for directions. Just like now. So I make a decision.
“The doctor was here while you were gone. He said it would be best if Lio stayed for a few days so they could nurse him back to health, make sure the medication is set right, and that he’ll mostly be asleep, recovering.”
“And what? That makes it okay for us to leave him here alone?” Nash furrows his brows. “I want to find her too, but?—”
“He’ll be asleep all the time, Nash. He’s gonna be fine… he’s in a fucking hospital. There are people here who are way better at making sure he’s fine than we are. Stay here if you want,” I tell Nash, stroking Lio’s forehead. He doesn’t even stir, his breathing slow and deep.
Nash’s eyes go from Lio to Hunter, then back to me. I’m not good with leaving him here alone either, but he’s safe with people who care and watch out for him.
Unlike her.
She’s hurt because ofmeand out there somewhere, sufferingbecause of me.
“You’re unbelievable, North. You don’t leave a sick child alone in a hospital.” Hunter shakes his head. “I’ll fucking stay. Go find her, and keep me updated, dammit.”
“Fine,” Nash grits out, unease written all over his face as we make our way to the door, ready to try and find her and make her listen.
Please, baby. Listen to me.
THREE
The scentof motor oil fills the air, a familiar aroma that’s become a part of my daily life. The hum of engines, the clinking of tools, and the occasional banter of my coworkers surround me. I’m underneath a car, hands stained with grease, tightening a bolt.
I pull myself out from under the car, wiping my hands on a rag. The thought of Nan and me going on our dream road trip crosses my mind, and a pang of sadness hits me. We had it all planned out, starting from the Pacific Ocean, driving through the heart of the country, and ending at the Atlantic. Half a year, just Nan and me, exploring every hidden gem the country has to offer. We’d talked about it for years, and it was finally about to become a reality.
