“And I will not go anywhere. Now lie down.” He gives me a look, and I do as I’m told, although reluctantly, looking up at him, pouting until he chuckles and lays down next to me. I can’t stop staring at him—his handsome face, the lock of hair falling into his eyes that I’m itching to push away, his full lips that turn into a grin. “Stop staring,” he scolds, chuckling, his eyes filled with affection.
“I’m not staring,” I whisper, grinning back.
“Of course you’re not.” He grins and reaches out to let his finger glide down the length of my arm.
“Do you want to go to the movies?” I whisper, and he furrows his brow, confused. Just as he’s about to answer, I add, “Wait, never mind, they don’t allow snacks inside.”
He throws his head back in laughter, and I’m in awe of how beautiful he looks when he’s radiating joy.
If I didn’t know it already, I know it now.
I’m falling for him too.
“How long did it take you to come up with that one?” He chuckles, his eyes filled with mischief.
“The whole ten days you were gone,” I murmur, and his happy face falls.
“You counted?” he asks me in a whisper.
I nod, and my voice is equally quiet when I reply, “I want you to find the light and peace, but thinking you found it without saying goodbye nearly killed me.”
Saylor moves so that he’s lying on my lower half, his arms crossed on my belly and his head resting on them. I may not be able to feel his weight, but anywhere we are connected, a prickling sensation surges, like a space both filled and unfilled.
My hands move of their own accord, reaching toward him, fingers trembling with the yearning to brush through the softness of his hair to confirm the reality in this closeness.
There’s an ache, deep and hollow, as my hands pass through him, a cruel reminder that the feeling that spreads on my fingertips is all I’m going to get.
He groans a sound that resonates as if he’s savoring the connection, as if he’s just happy to feel that little bit we have. And for a fleeting moment, I envy him that simple contentment.
Doesn’t he long for me as much as I do for him?
“We keep each other, Boo. You never have to worry about me being gone forever,” he whispers, and I think about what has happened while he was gone and how hurt he was the last time we spoke, and guilt fills me. He seems to notice me tense because he turns his head to look at me. “What?”
“Some things happened while you were gone,” I start, my voice trembling.
He’s not gonna like this.
I don’t deserve him.
Heshouldstay away from me.
“Shh… I know,” he states, letting his head sink down again, wiggling slightly to demand more head stroking.
“How would you know?” I ask, confused.
Does he really?
“Because I do. And I’m not mad. I understand. Now close your pretty eyes and sleep, Slo.”
He’s not mad about me getting involved with his brothers?
Not just Nash, but all of them?
“I—” I start, wanting to confess and make sure he knows what he’s talking about.
“Slo,” he chides, and I bite my lip and relax into the pillows.
Tomorrow.
