Elizabeth tipped her head. “This morning? Already? That’s uncommonly early.” What she didn’t say wasimpolite. She held her tongue and waited for Molly to reply.
“It’s not my business, miss. I’m sure your father will be here shortly.” She nodded and went on her way.
Elizabeth’s curiosity piqued, she leaned out into the hall, listening intently. Sure enough, she could hear the muffled voice of her father through a closed door somewhere down the corridor, and the voice of another she didn’t recognize. She breathed quietly, hoping to catch any words or hear the other voice more clearly in case it was someone she knew. After a few moments of disappointment, she went back into the breakfast room to satisfy her morning hunger.
As she sat down to eat, she glanced to her father’s place and then to the empty table. The visitor must have been rudely early if her father hadn’t brought the paper into the breakfast room. Her lips twisted as she glanced to the hallway. Shecouldgo and fetch the paper from her father’s study, but that was likely where her father was conversing. However maybe it wasn’t, so she stood. If she moved toward the study, she could maybe hear more clearly and then she could maybe determine what was so important it couldn’t wait until a decent hour to be discussed.
She took a step toward the hall, then paused.
No. She wasn’t going to eavesdrop. She was better than that—wasn’t she?
She took another step, and then forced herself to go and sit down at the table. No, her father woulddiscuss whatever it was with her, if it was her business. If it wasn’t, then she didn’t need to know. She wouldn’t be like those busybodies who were constantly searching for that delicious tidbit of gossip. No, she was above that. She valued education, philosophy, intelligence.
She worked hard to convince herself to stay as she ate a rasher of bacon. While she was pouring a second cup of tea, she heard voices in the hall. She froze, listening intently. Her father’s voice was bidding someone goodbye, and as luck would have it, the other gentleman didn’t talk.
While she waited, she listened intently as her father’s footsteps traveled the hall toward the breakfast room. Her back was to the door, and she turned as she heard him grow closer. She prepared a welcoming smile for him, but the moment she saw his face, a cold chill froze her expression in place.
“Good Lord, Papa, what is the matter?” She stood quickly, nearly knocking over her chair in the process.
Her father held up one hand, halting her movement. His gray eyes were weary and mournful, a look that brought back memories of when he spoke of her mother’s passing.
“Papa?” she whispered. “Who—what happened? Are you ill?” she asked, scanning his face, his body for injury that she may have missed. Any clue as to what tragedy had cut him so deeply that his expression would be so broken, so hurt.
“Elizabeth.” He sighed, then glanced down. “I had a guest this morning.”
Elizabeth swallowed, then nodded, waiting, impatient for him to continue.
“He works under the provost of Cambridge University,” her father continued.
Elizabeth blinked. The provost was the head of Cambridge, and her thoughts immediately flew to her father’s position as professor and her heart clenched.
“He was given some information, regarding you, and…and at first I assured him it couldn’t be accurate information. It couldn’t, wouldn’t be true. It would mean you…have been less than honest with me, and that wasn’t something I was willing to believe.” Her father’s mouth pinched as he looked down, folding his hands.
Elizabeth’s breaths came in short gasps. However, they made no sound, as if her breathing wasn’t giving her body the air, just sucking it in and out, not doing any good.No, no, no!
Her father continued, “Then he told me the subject material that his daughter had learned last night…and I recognized it. It was some of the same material you helped research a few months ago. And I knew.” He shrugged. “I knew he was speaking the truth. And that, as you can imagine, was very difficult.” He met her eyes, his contemplation spearing her heart.
“Papa.”
He held up his hand again and took a deep breath. “Seeing as I’m quite certain you know to what I am referring, I’m going to give you the opportunity to explain yourself.”
Elizabeth nodded, tears brimming in her eyes. Soon they were spilling over and trailing down her cheeks. Was it worth this? Heartbroken, she questioned all the decisions that had led her here, measuring them against her father’s broken expression as she glanced up. Was it worth this price?
She took in shaky breath. “It was…difficult for me to study and have no way to apply it, aside from my own life.” She paused. “Patricia listened when I needed to somehow get the information out of my head, and it wasn’t anything she’d ever learned before. It…made me think. Certainly, there had to be more women like me, Papa. Women who wanted to grow, and learn, who had this insatiable need for diving into why things work the way they do and read, read for days. And I thought that perhaps it was that they had never been given a chance to learn, as I had.” She paused, calmed herself, and then continued, meeting her father’s scrutiny with a direct one of her own. “So, I spoke with the Smiths, asked if I could use their tearoom for a ladies’ club, just a few evenings. Their daughter had been the bane of every governess they’d hired, and I offered to take on their daughter in the club for women’seducation. They agreed, and in hindsight I can see I exploited a need they had. But I will say it worked well for their daughter, and—” She paused. “No, no excuses, I’ll continue with the story.” She nodded to herself. “I began with two ladies, and the word was spread very carefully so that it wouldn’t be well known—to protect you, and to protect me. I knew it wasn’t exactly proper—”
Her father scoffed at this.
“It was scandalous for a woman to be teaching the material I brought to the ladies, and I wished to protect you from that. So, though I grew the club to several students, I deliberately chose not to tell you, thinking I was protecting you from the scandal I could potentially cause, so that if it was discovered, you could deny ever knowing. Foolishly, I thought that would protect you, and I can see now it was far worse and hurt you more deeply than any other choice would have done.” She finished, “And for that, I’m sorry, Papa.”
Her father nodded once, then took a deep breath. “Elizabeth, this must stop.”
Elizabeth’s heart fractured at his words. It wasn’t as if she’d deluded herself into thinking it was something she could do indefinitely, but she’d been lying to herself as much as she’d been lying to her father. “I know.”
“This was a dangerous game, Elizabeth. And I don’t understand why you thought it could beplayed without a consequence.” His white brows furrowed over his eyes. “You are far more astute and intelligent than this suggests.”
Elizabeth took a slow breath. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s not enough,” her father replied, softly, gently, making the words all the more powerful. “It’s not enough to be sorry, Elizabeth. There are consequences.”
