“If you say you’ll take that as a compliment—” she warned, narrowing her eyes.
“I will restrain myself. It’s just…endearing,” he finished. That was a simple way of saying he was quite impressed with her ability to dress him down by calling the emotional reaction to him strangewhile nevertheless complimenting him and his charm by saying she wanted more.
He only hoped the “more” outweighed the “strange” aspect. Maybe he’d lost his touch since leaving London. He’d never had a difficult time being charming there.
Or maybe his title was enough charm, requiring little effort on his part.
He had the sinking suspicion it was the latter.
Meaning he was possibly, faintly ill prepared to court a woman more concerned about his character than his title.
Odd, that. He’d always wanted it in a woman, but never expected to find it, and now that he had, he wasn’t sure of how to secure those affections.
“You’re quiet. Did I…” She frowned. “Did I say something to offend you?”
“No,” he quickly answered. “Just…reevaluating. You make me do that a lot. Frustrating aspect, but a needed one apparently.” He twisted his lips. “And I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“Well, the feeling is mutual. I’m constantly having to figure out what I’m feeling around you, because I’ve never felt it before.” She turned her attention back to the pages, as if her words hadn’t spoken volumes.
Maybe he was charming and earning those affections after all. Hope was dangerous, but it was relentless and swelled within him something fierce.
And like with a lifeboat in the ocean, he clung to it.
Because he remembered London.
He remembered the hopelessness.
He remembered what it felt like to be empty.
And he never wanted to go back.
Twenty-one
There are truths which are not for all men, nor for all times.
—Voltaire, Letter to Cardinal de Bernis, April 23, 1764
Elizabeth bid goodbye to Collin, her mind still working on the smuggling information while her heart pounded with all the feelings he provoked within her. No wonder she was living in a confused state. It was as if her mind and heart were working independently of each other. Still, she reasoned, she wouldn’t be interested or invest her time in all this tea nonsense if it wasn’t important to Collin.
What was important to him was important to her, simple as that. And considering it that way cleared much of her confusion. “Papa, I’m going to visit Patricia at the tea shop this evening,” she said as she entered the parlor. “After dinner.”
“Very well. I’ll watch you leave. Will you be back about the same time as usual?” he asked, not lifting his eyes from his book.
“Yes,” Elizabeth replied, her heart pinching at the half-truth she was telling. It was better for himto not know about her teaching. If for some reason word spread regarding it, at least he could say he wasn’t aware. Though now that she was no longer welcome at the college, it likely wouldn’t be as big an issue if word did spread. Or so she hoped.
Elizabeth quit the room and gathered in her satchel what she needed for the evening classes. Dinner would be soon, and then she’d depart.
After they’d finished their meal, as was their usual tradition on these days, Elizabeth’s father followed her to the door and watched as she walked up the street toward the tea house. It was quite close, with only a small street separating her father’s view of her as she traveled, so she went unaccompanied. As soon as she arrived, she was welcomed and ushered into the closed-off room, her new student already seated beside Patricia.
Elizabeth took in a slow breath, scanned the room, and set her satchel on a side table and withdrew her book and parchments. “Welcome, everyone. It’s a pleasure to be here with you tonight. Welcome to our new student.” She gestured to the young lady and smiled. “I hope you’ll enjoy your time here.”
The young lady smiled demurely and shifted in her seat.
“Now, today we’re going to start by reading and then discuss what we’ve read in sections. This next part of Descartes’s work is one we need to separateinto simple parts. After all, isn’t that what he’s been explaining? Break the problem down into its smallest components. In implementing this, we’re not only reading the book but applying its concepts as well, which in turn will help us learn it better. Can anyone explain a time when it was useful to break down a larger problem into its most basic parts in order to solve it? Descartes uses the principle in mathematics, but it has a much broader scope,” Elizabeth finished.
Patricia spoke up. “Earlier this week I began a needlepoint design that was quite difficult, and I was anxious starting it. But when I started on the smallest part of the design first, it was more manageable.”
Elizabeth nodded. “Excellent example. And we can use that example to explain the concept further.” She glanced to her new student, encouraged by how she leaned forward with rapt attention.
