If I thought him kissing me was the part that was going to ruin me, I’m sorely mistaken. There’s something about Liam right now when my eyes are connecting with his that’s bringing me so much peace. He’s lying on his side facing me—both of us completely bare. But there’s an innocence in his gaze. Something so pure and hopeful, I just want to bottle up this moment—nay, these entire last couple months—and hold onto them forever just like this.
“You okay?” He reaches his hand up, tucking some hair behind my ear, and then pulls the blanket up to cover both of us.
“Mm-hmm,” I hum, smiling at his touch. “You’re different,” I admit, trailing my fingers along his jaw. Feeling the stubble beneath my skin.
His eyebrows crease slightly. “Good different, or…” he asks, trailing off.
“Not bad at all. Just different than what I thought, I guess.”
Liam’s beautiful smile spreads across his face, holding steady in place for a few moments as we stare at each other.
“Yeah?” he finally says, placing his palm on the curve of my hip. His touch is warm and comforting.
“I didn’t know you outside of the football field.” I shrug, nestling closer to him. “I guess I just assumed that given your…um…” I pause, searching for the right word.
“Reputation?” His voice is rough as he says it.
I hesitantly nod. “You’re not the womanizer I assumed I’d be getting as a neighbor. And I never would’ve pinned you for being as compassionate and caring as you are. I-I don’t open up to people. Probably because I don’t exactly have many people to open up to, but I’ve neverwantedto, until you.”
He pulls me closer to his chest, my arms snuggled into him as he wraps his around my body. I feel so protected with him. Being cared for the way Liam does for me makes me know with 100 percent certainty I wasn’t properly cared for before.
“I’ve mentioned this before too, but even having the most incredible and accepting friends, it’s rare I shared too much with them, at least not a lot of my deep shit. With you, it’s just easy. I feel like I can rely on you, and I hope you feel that way with me too.”
I nod against him, inhaling his rich scent. There are a lot of things I could say right now to myself about this current situation I’m in. And none of them are good enough to get me out of his arms. I feel like I belong here.
“I felt really empty after my divorce,” I say in a hushed tone. It’s so quiet in here, I can hear both of us breathing. “Like I was just kind of going through the motions on autopilot, not really enjoying anything. I smiled, showed up, did what was needed, and I think everyone assumed I was okay and happy.” I pull my head back so I can see his face. “You didn’t. You saw me exactlyas I was.Existing. And slowly, you’ve been pulling me out of the numbness I was in. It’s like the volume was at zero for so long and you’ve slowly been helping me turn it back up.”
I feel his arms tighten around me. I wasn’t expecting to say any of that tonight. Hell, I didn’t even know I really felt that way until I said it. But it’s all so fucking true. I couldn’t have been happier to leave my marriage, but it was still hard. I had to learn how to be by myself again and relearn how to love the pieces of me that felt broken.
“I’ve been watching you for the last five years, Dem. Reading your body language and your facial expressions was all I had for so long. Keeping my distance from you when you were married was so goddamn hard. Even when you got divorced, the day I saw you on the sidelines when that article came out about him cheating—I could’ve beat him to a pulp that very instant. You were always just out of reach,” he says with a chuckle. “I’m scared it’ll happen again.” His voice is soft. “And I think it might kill me.”
My heart cracks at his admission. Liam’s the most vulnerable man I’ve ever met, and I’d like to attribute a lot of that to him being in therapy—another thing most men won’t do. But I also think it’s just part of who he is. He’s goofy and charismatic, fun and lighthearted—but there’s so much depth to this man that I truly feel like I’ve only scratched the surface.
“I just know that right now I feel safe with you.”
“Can I ask you something?” He rubs circles on my shoulder and I nod. “You’ve mentioned that you feel safe with me and around me—which, don’t get me wrong, that’s absolutely my goal with any woman honestly. I want you to know you’re safe with me. But is the feeling of being safe a new one to you?”
Sharing about my ex-husband and every fight we would get into isn’t how I want to round out this night with Liam. But I can shed some basic light on why it’s such a hot topic for me.
“Brandon’s temper would explode at any given moment. So many times our disagreements turned into arguments. When I’d bring something up hoping to talk about it, I’d always leave the conversation feeling worse than when we started. My soul literally felt exhausted and my nervous system always felt on edge. Like I couldn’t ever be relaxed in my own home, and it made me tiptoe on how I responded to him sometimes. I guess I never felt safe to share my own emotions and feelings simply because I didn’t know how he’d react. Again, it was never physical, but I was no stranger to a verbal lash out every now and then. I’m thankful he cheated, it gave me the push to leave.”
“Jesus, Dem. I’m so sorry you had to go home to that for so long. He never fucking deserved you.”
“Like I said, a lesson.”
I’m not sure why I stayed so long. We didn’t have kids, we both had good jobs—the reasons that couples so often stick it out when things are rough didn’t apply to us. I used to tell myself he was just having a bad day. Because for a while, I think that’s how it really was. His basketball career was beginning to see some real hurdles—he wasn’t used to people not fawning over him. I think over time he began to resent me for not wanting kids, but looking at it now, I’m so glad I didn’t make that man the father of my children.
“Well, what do you want to do now?” Liam wraps one of his legs behind mine, pulling me flush with his body.
“Oh my god, your foot is freezing, get it off me.” I jerk back with a laugh.
He pulls me back to him, planting his lips on my forehead as he spins me on top of him.
“Warm me up,” he teases with his lips on my shoulders. “What do you say, want a third orgasm of the night? You know, go to bed real nice and relaxed?”
“What I want to do and what we should do are very different right now. I have a big meeting tomorrow morning for the Girlhood Foundation and need to be bright eyed.”
We’re introducing a new scholarship opportunity this year—one I’m incredibly proud of. There are a ton of great options out there right now for girls, which is amazing. But this particular scholarship will be for Latina women interested in pursuing a job in a sports-related field. Having something like this will be huge, definitely something I wish would’ve been around when I was looking into colleges. But I’m so happy to be able to be part of this.
