“I was telling my therapist about some things I was struggling with, and mentioned I used to do puzzles. She suggested I try again, and that was that.”
“I’m sorry about your grandfather.”
“Ah,” I say, tilting my head. “Thanks. This was his.” I raise my hand, turning it to show the gold ring on my pinky finger. “He wore it his whole life. When he passed, I got it. It started on this finger,” I say, smiling to myself and wiggling my index finger. “But when it was getting too small for that one, I moved it to my pinky. Seems like this is where it’ll stay.”
“That’s really sweet,” she whispers, reaching her hand toward mine.
Her fingers gently touch the ring, and I just watch her examine it.
“What’s the F for?”
“Francine. My grandmother.”
Demi nods, pulling her hand back to herself, she sits up on her knees. She leans over the coffee table, grabbing a few more puzzle pieces and quietly brings them back to her side of the table.
“It’s beautiful.” She pulls her eyes from the barely completed puzzle between us, and I swear to god there’s a moment where time stops.
Being around Demi, being pulled into her orbit, sets my soul on fire. In the deepest, warmest, and most beautiful way.
“Thank you,” I push out through a gravely tone.
“Can I have that piece?” She points to the one by my hand, and we both work in silence for another few moments on the puzzle before us.
“So can I ask what the B is for?” I point toward her wrist.
She looks down at her arm, staring for a moment, and I watch as her eyes glaze, but she smiles down at the ink on her wrist. On a blink she looks up, still smiling.
“Brianna.” She swallows. “My best friend.”
I stare at the tattoo on my wrist. A movie flashing in my mind of our last summer together. The first day we met. The sleepovers. Parties. Boys. Mall trips. Random nights in a Taco Bell parking lot talking about everything and nothing. The memories are hard. They hit me in the chest like a ton of bricks when I let myself think of her for too long, sucking out all the air in my lungs.
“Brianna is—was—my best friend.” I don’t like referring to her in the past tense. I know it’s technically correct, but it’s like my brain can’t handle the fact that she’s a memory—no matter how long it’s been.
My eyes are burning as I’m praying for the strength to not completely lose my shit in Liam’s apartment.
“Was?” His forehead creases and he puts the puzzle piece down he was holding.
All his attention is focused on me and the next sentence that comes out of my mouth. My neck heats as I stare at Liam, and I want to cry. I want to let myself just have a moment. A moment to unleash all the sadness I still feel but keep under a mask of a strong cat eye and bold lip.
“She…” I pause briefly, feeling my fingers pick at my nail polish. “She died when we were nineteen.”
He looks like he’s just seen a ghost. Liam’s lips part, his eyes showing the most sincere concern as they soften, and without hesitation he’s on his knees scooting around the coffee table to sit closer to me.
My fingers don’t stop moving in my lap as I sit there, hearing only the faint sound of an Ed Sheeran song and my own heartbeat in my ears.
One glance down at my shaking hands and Liam’s warmth steadies me. He wraps his hand over mine, gently squeezing as his thumb rubs the outside of my hand. His eyes plead with me to open up. It’s like he can see I want to be vulnerable, but I’m holding back. Though I’ve never felt safer to let myself fall apart.
“Sorry,” I say on a shaky breath as I sniffle. “I wasn’t expecting to talk about her.”
“You don’t have to,” he assures me, hand still placed over mine.
“I know.”
“But also, you can if you need to. This is a safe space—it’s just you and me.”
I lift my heavy eyes to look up at him. He makes it so easy to be soft and feel feminine. To lay everything at his feet and be sure he’ll still be there when it’s all said and done.
“It’s been almost twenty years and I still remember it like it was yesterday. The phone call. The scream. The sobs that felt uncontrollable. I hate that the most frequent thing I rememberis the day she died, when there were so many amazing moments we shared for years before it happened.”
