Imissher. I miss her eye rolls and her heavy sighs. The way her dimples don’t come out unless shereallysmiles. The way she talks about her mom. When she picks at her nail polish and twirls her hair. How her nose scrunches when she’s trying to figure out where a puzzle piece goes. The sweet, flowery scent that follows her everywhere. Her eyes. Her hips. The sound of her laugh. God, I just miss her. And missing her is making me crazy.
Tampa is home. It has been for years. And I never thought I’d play anywhere else, or want to play anywhere else. But I want Demi more than I want to wear any specific jersey. I’m pathetically in love with this woman. I’ll do anything, go anywhere I need to go if it means I even get a chance to be with her.
Football has been the longest relationship of life. The only thing I’ve ever really loved. But there will be a day I wake up without a meeting or a practice to make it to. No roaring crowds and grueling temperatures to play through. I won’t suit up on Sundays or do Friday night walkthroughs. This will all be over. I know this isn’t forever.
This career is fleeting. It’s a blip of a time in my life—a time I’ve loved.
But when I wake up in twenty years with nowhere to rush off to, I want Demi to be the person I wake up next to.
I don’t care where the fuck I play next season, because nowhere will actually feel like home without her.
My fingers can’t move quick enough when I reach for my phone and go straight to my agent’s contact.
Hey Kat… if you do happen to get any other offers or even any whispers. Let me know before shooting it down.
Kat
Got it.
The owners and managers won’t lose much sleep over me saying I’m open to a trade. They’ll look at it like a negotiation tactic—because maybe it usually is. But Coach Aarons deserves more from me. He’s been good to me since I joined this team—treats me better than my own father, and the right thing to do is to give him a heads-up. Even if I can’t share too much, simply implying that I’m not sure what my future looks like is better than blindsiding the man who has actually helped me become a better athlete.
Nate told me the girls—including Demi—were at his house last night watching the game and having a sleepover. I didn’t actually think women still did that in their thirties, but who am I to place judgment? I just slept on my best friend’s couch the other night.
But seeing Demi is on the top of my list today. I gave her space. We had our distance, and now my body feels like it physically can’t be away from her any longer.
I’m going to talk to her today. Right after I talk to Coach.
Liam’s off today. And as soon as I get home, I need to see him. I’ve had enough space, enough time to think, overthink, then rethink. If I don’t just fucking tell him everything I’m feeling and everything I want, I might explode.
“Thanks for last night,” I say to Summer as we’re walking down Mia’s ridiculously long driveway toward our cars.
“Of course.” She smiles. “I’m sorry if I’ve been a little hot and cold with you. I guess I just know what it feels like to be in his shoes a little. Watching someone from a distance and wanting them to notice you.” She shrugs. “He might be a little over the top sometimes, but his heart is pure.”
I smile back at her.
“I like you Demi. And I think you two could be great together. He’s different from your initial impression, isn’t he?” she asks, pulling her car door open but she stands between the car and open door.
“He is.” I nod. “He’s nothing like I thought. I imagined he was as reckless as the media made him out to be, especially with women. Everything always just pointed to that.”
“I know,” she says, her head softly shaking back and forth with a laugh. “I thought the same thing when we first met. But it’s an act. Or at least partially an act. Mostly a survival technique, I think. He’s a naturally happy person who was never allowed to show anything but that growing up.” She shakes her head. “His dad’s a dick.”
Understatement. I think of his father. How hard he was on him as a kid and how that made Liam feel as an adult. Acting happy all the time, masking the ways he’s felt hurt with jokes and a flashy social life.
“Anyway, you’re good for him. And I think he’s good for you too. He needs to be reminded that you’re allowed to have bad days. And I think you need the reminder that there are good ones.”
She smiles at me, taking a seat in her car and pulls the door shut.
Being welcomed into this little close-knit family of theirs means something to me. Everyone talks about the closeness of teammates, the dependability, the tough love, the overall connection. But the women who support these men also have their own bond. A strong one, a fierce loyalty to the families they go on this journey with.
It’s not easy being the spouse of a professional athlete. Hell, I know after being married to Brandon how difficult it can be.
I haven’t felt this kind of closeness since I met Bri. And it’s all I can think about on the drive back home.
Everyone in this friend group has their role, and they know it so well. Like a rehearsed play, but it’s really just their life and how they live it.
Mia is everyone’s little piece of comfort. She’s sharp when she needs to be, but overall she’s soft-spoken and supportive no matter what.
Abby reminds me of Bri in ways that send me back to our moments together. The way she works to understand everyone’s point of view. She makes everyone around her feel important and valued.
