Summer and Mia come back into the living room just as the second quarter is almost over.
“Come on, Liam,” Summer softly says to herself. “What are you doing?” She sighs, shaking her head. Both of the girls seem to agree with her as we all watch him throw his third incomplete pass in a row.
“He’s unsteady,” I whisper as I’m staring at the screen, and I feel their eyes shoot to me.
I’m watching him scramble around the pocket, watching as he doesn’t step into his throws. I know our situation is on his mind and that burns a hole in my chest, knowing he’s off kilter because of it.
“Can you just get back together with him so he’s not unsteady?” Summer playfully taps my shoulder. “I’m kidding, we don’t do peer pressure here.”
Since our hallway conversation, I haven’t spoken with him. He’s been giving me the space I asked for, and I’ve been cursing myself for asking for it. Because all I want to do is talk to him. But not until I know with certainty what I want. I can’t keep stringing him along if I can’t be in this the same way he is.
“How is he? Really.” I bring myself to ask the question and brace for the answer.
Summer’s head tilts as she looks up from her phone during the commercial break. Abby and Mia are both on their way upstairs since the baby started crying.
“Really?” She looks at me, a soft albeit sad smile on her lips. “He’s a mess, Demi. He’s going to smile and laugh for every single person because that’s what he’s been trained to do. He’s really good at masking emotions if you haven’t already noticed.” There’s a bite in her words. But she isn’t being rude, she’s being honest, protective over her friend. And I respect that. “He knows you have a lot to consider. But can I be honest?”
I nod.
“It’s killing him.” Her eyes water when she looks at me. “He doesn’t want you to know it. But I can see it on his face, I hear it in his voice. The fear that he said something you aren’t ready for. He wants to respect your request for space, and he is respecting it. He stayed on our couch the night before they left for the away game, did you know that?”
I shake my head, hurt covering my face.
Our jobs aside, there’s something else that’s been clawing at the back of my mind. I saw Liam with those kids at family day. I’ve seen glimpses of him with his friends’ children, who he refers to as his family. He’s made to be a father, I see it. AndI can’t be in the position again with someone where our wants don’t align.
“There’s just a lot to consider.” My index fingers outline my thumbs nervously. “I-I don’t want children,” I blurt out, just as Abby and Mia come back down the stairs.
Tossing my head back, I let out a sigh. This wasn’t the plan. Not tonight anyway.
“Oh. Okay. Well, that’s okay,” Summer says.
“It’s a big choice. Not everyone wants to be a parent, there’s nothing wrong with that,” Mia adds.
I look over at Abby. My heart is aching for someone who so desperately wants to be a mother, while I’m here declaring that it’s the last thing on my mind.
“It’s okay to admit that, Demi. It’s hard to live in a world where women are expected to become mothers. Some want it, others don’t. Your hard just looks different than mine. It’s okay,” Abby says as she takes a seat.
“But he’s so good with kids, he deserves to be a dad.” I gesture to the screen where they’ve just shown Liam running back out on the field after halftime. “It’d be selfish of me to take that away from him.”
“Have you told him you don’t want kids?” I nod. “Okay, and did he say he wants to have kids?” Mia’s tone is a little judgy—and I can’t blame her.
“Well, no.”
“Then you’re taking that choice away from him. You’re choosing for him by not giving him the chance to even tell you his thoughts.” Summer’s hand latches onto mine.
How did this conversation get here?
Because I just had to know how he’s doing, that’s how. Jesus, she’s right, though. He knows I don’t want kids, but it didn’t change anything about how he treated me, how he cared for me, how helovesme.
I keep hearing my abuela’s voice in my head telling me the same thing since I was fifteen.
Busca a alguien que te ame por lo que eres, no por lo que puedes hacer por ellos.Find someone who loves you for you, Demetria, not what you can do for them.
I feel so sure that Liam loves me for me. As I am.
Oh god, there’s a lump in my throat. A racing in my chest, and if I was okay with crying in front of people I’d be sobbing right now. But I pull my lips together. My palms are sweaty and my whole body feels antsy. I need to take a walk or jump in a pool—anything.
“Liam said you likeGrey’s Anatomy.” Mia grabs the remote, muting the television and then reaches for her phone.
