She lifts herself from the couch and makes her way into the kitchen, Abby on her heels. I’ve got half a mind to just gather CeCe’s things and call it a night so I don’t have to find myself distracted and longing for something I shouldn’t be paying any attention to. But we haven’t even had dessert yet and that’s CeCe’s favorite part.
“Chase, can you help with this?” I hear my sister call for me from the kitchen.
When I walk in, she’s holding a jar of chocolate fudge and clearly struggling to get it open.
“Where’s your husband? This is his job now,” I quip, which earns me an exaggerated eye roll from Abby as she walks past me and out to the living room, calling Mia’s name.
The jar opens in one twist and I place it on the counter, licking my finger where some of the fudge ended up.
“There’s this one too, while you’re at it.” Summer casually slides the caramel jar across the counter as her eyes pivot to mine. Without breaking eye contact with her, my hand shoots to the right, gripping the jar in my hand. Summer’s bottom lip is pulled in and I don’t miss the way her teeth peek out behind her lip as she grins slowly.
“Nice reflexes.”
“Nice dress.”
I’m stunned by my quick witted response, but Summer’s lips purse together and a proud smirk seems to overtake her face.
“Wow,” I say, feeling like I just let all my fucking cards show. “Sorry, that slipped out.”
“Don’t apologize. It is a great dress,” she says, offering a knowing smile as she pulls ice cream from the freezer.
She walks by me, flipping her hair over her shoulder as she does, leaving behind her coconut scent that has me downright feral at this point.
And I’m left standing in the kitchen like an absolute idiot.
“Are we about ready to go?” I throw the question over to CeCe once she finishes her ice cream, knowing she’ll probably protest. She loves being around Nate and Mia’s boys. She’s pretty bossy with them, makes them sit for her “class”, and gives them both chores to do. The boys take it willingly for now—I’m sure that’ll change as they all get older.
“Where’s your heart?” CeCe’s eyes plead as she looks up at me.
“What?” I ask, confused.
CeCe waves a small pink foam heart in front of me.
“Oh, uh.” I tap both hands on my pockets, knowing damn well it isn’t in there.
“I found it!” I turn around to face Summer as she’s holding a pink heart, the same as CeCe’s and hands it to me.
“This is the one she gave me, so you better find yours. I accept iced lattes as thank you’s,” she whispers.
“Same colors mean best friends.” CeCe smiles, holding her pink heart up to mine. Before she turns and walks away to grab her backpack full of things she brought over. It dawns on me that Summer and I are the only two CeCe gave pink hearts to.
“Thanks,” I say to Summer, extending my hand to give it back to her. She reaches to grab it at the same time, causing our hands to collide and the heart to fall completely from my fingers. We both do nothing but watch it float to the floor, as if in slow motion, neither of us is too eager to bend down and get it.
I’m hanging on by a fucking thread and know I can’t trust myself to be alone with her again.
The night of Friendsgiving felt like I was living in some dream world, where everything I did seemed to affect Chase in the same way that he’s been affecting me for all these years. It felt good to see him squirm a little, to know—even if it was brief—that in some way he was tempted by me. But I’m still not convinced he’ll ever go back on his “never kissing again” rule. It’ll probably take a lot more than longing stares and hand brushes for him to cave.
I watched his body language that night, I studied how he moved around me, how he spoke and the way he tried to shield himself from ever looking my way. He seemed flustered when we made contact and downright mad at himself when he let his compliment about my dress slip.
I don’t want to force anything with Chase, but I’m finding it so hard to understand the more I think about it. I wish I could read his mind, so I can see why he still wants this shield up with me. I’ve been doing everything I can to earn his trust when itcomes to CeCe, and with that I’ve also been trying to help him realize he doesn’t have to be so uptight all the time. He doesn’t have to plan everything out to the tee. And he doesn’t have to do everything alone. I know letting go of some control is hard for him, but I’m just hoping to help him realize that things can go a little off course sometimes and it will still be okay.
I admire Chase’s dedication to the life he’s built. The structure he’s curated in their life and the safety and security he surrounds CeCe with. He’s a better man than most, stepping up in the ways he has. But he has to let himself have some fun once in a while, he has to remember he’s still important and appreciated for more than being a great football player and more than being a great parent, but just for being who he is as a man.
And maybe I’m the best person to help him see that.
This morning, I found myself at the entrance of Chase’s apartment building, even though I’m not needed for CeCe today. He offered me his second gym key card the other day and while I think he probably regretted it shortly after, he insisted I take it while mine is currently being renovated.
It’s a hell of a lot bigger than mine—although, that shouldn’t surprise me. His apartment building is much more upscale. The giant floor to ceiling windows are tinted so people outside can’t just awkwardly stare in as I do squats or lunges and the walls are a softer grayish-white, making it feel a lot more serene in here than in mine where they’re black and makes it feel like a dungeon.
