“The sky is so gorgeous out here. I’m mad at myself for not taking advantage of it when I lived here. Now all I get are high rises and street lights. The stars, the moon… this is so peaceful.I would love to eventually live in a place where I can see the sky like this all the time.”
“Well, for now, we always have the field,” I say, tipping my beer towards her.
“To the field.” She raises her bottle in a toast and we both laugh.
We’ve spent the last hour going on and on about music, and normally I’d love it, but it’s not the conversation I want to have with her tonight. The vision for what I want is so goddamn clear, I just need to see if she sees it too.
“So, you and Hughes.” Her eyes dart to mine, her heavy eyelashes that shadow her cheeks in the light fly up before she shifts her gaze.
“There is no me and Hughes, Nate.”
“No? You said there was a date on the horizon.”
Mia pulls her knees up to her chest, holding them close. She sighs and I instantly have the urge to apologize for asking.
But I don’t.
“If we’re stepping into talking about relationships, I’d love to know what's going on with you?” I should have seen this question coming. Mia’s smart. She isn’t going to let me just run the show here.
“Literally nothing. Not since Laura. Now, back to my question.”
“And you haven’t been with anyone since her?”
My lips twitched with amusement at her question.
“Nope.”
She lets out an exasperated sigh. “To answer your question, I told him I would text him when I got back into town. We haven’t set anything up yet.”
Figuring out how to navigate being best friends but wanting more is fucking difficult. Every instinct in me wants to just twist a handful of her hair into my fist and kiss her until we’re bothgasping for breath. But I can’t, not yet. Not until I know for sure it’s what she wants me to do.
“Why do you care if I go on a date with Connor?”
“I always care about who you’re with, Mi. I want you to be happy and safe.” Leaning forward, I adjust my flannel as I watch her. My eyes trained on her facial expressions, hoping to get a read on her.
“I know that much. But you’ve never cared this much before, where you’re asking questions like you have been.” Her chestnut colored hair starts blowing in the slight breeze. She pulls it out of her face and I see nothing but questions in her eyes. Everything I’ve done and said over the last few days has her head spinning—I can see it.
“You’re right,” I retreat. Slouching a little in the chair as the flames flicker in front of me.
“Why?” It’s a whisper. But I hear it. Part of me thinks she knows the answer, but just wants to hear me say it.
A tinge of pain rips through my chest before I reply, bracing myself for what could possibly come after tonight if I lay it all out there.
It’s close to midnight. We need to go to sleep, but everything I want to say is on the tip of my tongue. I buried my feelings for years. Unknowingly for the most part, but when I look back, it’s always been her. Any time my mind has searched for peace, it’s gone to Mia. You don’t just risk all of that unless you’re sure. I need to be sure.
“Come on, Smalls…” I plead, seeing if she can meet me halfway in this conversation because now my nerves are kicking in.
Glancing towards Mia, I see her fidgeting with the sleeves of the flannel. Her body keeps repositioning in that chair and she’s barely made eye contact with me in the last few moments. Everything is right there, just begging to spill out of my mouth,but doubt creeps in. My throat feels thick and now I can’t stop fidgeting either. I’ve never had a hard time telling a woman I’m interested, but with Mia it’s so much more than just being interested in her. I’m invested. I’m committed. I’m so fucking consumed by everything about her.
That’s all that I can get out before a rumble of thunder sounds in the distance, causing both of us to glance towards the sky.
“We should head in.” Her voice is soft and slightly shaking.
Both of us stand, and I grab the blanket from her chair, wrapping it around her body tightly.
“I’ll clean up, you go inside.”
Mia only nods and follows my directions while I put out the fire and straighten out the chairs. Lining them up against the cabin as they were previously positioned before heading inside.
