“My ex…” I sigh. “He would’ve walked me home and then left to go back to the party.”
“Well. He sounds like a real piece of shit.” A hearty laugh escapes my lips, causing Ford to let one out too.
“We started dating at a really vulnerable time in my life. I was… broken and he promised me the world. And like an idiot, I believed him. Tale as old as time, you know.” My head shakes back and forth as I’m recounting the night Andrew and I met.
Ford strokes my cheek with the pad of his thumb. “What happened?”
Oh gosh, was I really prepared to go down this rabbit hole with him? I know I’m the one who opened this door, but now I’m having second thoughts about sharing any more. We said no feelings and it already seems like we’re stepping all over that right now. The closeness of Ford is such a comfort though. Yeah, we’ve had sex and have been close in that way, but this is so different. This feels more intimate. Like if I share this part of me with him, it might change our current situation and I like our situation–having fun, no messy feelings. It’s allowing me to make my own choices and find myself again and do what I want to do. Ford’s helping me get back to the version of myself that I once loved.
“Abby.” My eyes start to water recounting everything that got me to this point. To this conversation in this bed with this man. “You don’t have to share anything you don’t want to.”
“It’s okay,” I say, wiping at my eyes as we lay there together. “My dad died. I was nineteen. I had just moved to Miami for college and I was … devastated. I was angry, I was in denial, numb, hurt, all the things. You name it, I felt it. I met Andrew the first night I decided to go out after it all happened. There I was, this broken little freshman drowning my sorrows in a bottle of tequila, when the popular Junior asked me to be his beer pong partner.”
My eyes risk a glance up at Ford and his jaw muscle flexes as he watches me talk. “From that point forward, I was Andrew Fontane’s girlfriend. I’d fallen for all of the charm, all the lavish vacations and the stupid perks of being on his arm.”
It makes me laugh now, thinking back to my stupidity.
“So dumb,” I whisper as a tear falls from my eye and Ford catches one on the other cheek with his thumb. “Everything we did was on his terms, what he wanted to do, where he wanted to go and I just lost myself. It happened so slowly, I’m not even sure if I would’ve noticed if it weren’t for Summer. I was a fucking trophy to him, never anything more. I know that now. If I made a silly joke or something with his friends or family around, he’d scold me about it when we were alone. Telling me I needed to act like a sophisticated adult. He hated that I was going to be a teacher, but thankfully, I didn’t let him talk me out of that. Chase and I barely saw each other the whole time we were together. I’m pretty sure Andrew was intimidated by him, honestly.”
“He fucking should be,” Ford cuts in with his jaw still locked and his nostrils flaring.
Sitting up on my bed, I take the comforter off my legs and pull my knees to my chest. My oversized t-shirt hangs over my shoulder exposing my skin and Ford sits up and places a small kiss in the crook of my neck near my collarbone.
“He never asked about my dad. There was a night I had a complete breakdown. I sat outside of our apartment and looked at the ocean from our balcony. The water was so calm that night, but inside my head, in my chest, it was a complete storm. I couldn’t stop the tears from coming. He walked out onto the terrace and handed me a napkin, told me to clean up and come back inside. There was no compassion in his voice, no love or empathy. He was so cold.” I sniffle, but keep my composure as Ford runs his hand through his hair.
“Two months later, Summer told me she overheard some girls at the bar she works at talking about him sleeping with their friend. When I confronted him, he… he didn’t even deny it. He just said it was a mistake and something we would work through together, as if it was something I made him do or somehow my fault. He said it wouldn’t happen again, but in my heart, I knew it would, and I knew that this was my out too. So, I called Summer and one thing led to another and now I’m here.” I let out a hefty sigh and look over at Ford who is now sitting with his back to me on the bed, elbows propped on his knees.
“Ford? I’m sorry, that was a mouthful of information and a lot more than you ever needed to know about your ‘friend with benefits.’” My hand reaches for his shoulder at the same time he turns around. His eyes are as black as coal as he looks at me.
“Don’t you ever let him or anyone else ever make you feel like you’re not fucking amazing. You’re smart and you’re kind. You’re chatty as all hell, but you make everyone feel important when they’re around you. You’re so much more than just someone’s trophy on their arm. God, you shine so fucking bright, and you don’t even realize it because someone made you feel like you lost the glow. I promise you, Abby. You’re worth so much more than you realize.” The words come out slowly and he says them with such precision. I’m taken back by Ford’s reaction, his words, his body language. We’ve spent time getting to know each other over the last month and I’m certain I’ve never seen this side of him.
“You deserve someone who values you. Someone who respects you. Someone who knows you’re too important to lose.”
Summer
Oh, Abby, you are so screwed. He’s gonna make you fall for him, you know that right?
I texted Summer a pretty lengthy breakdown of last weekend and she didn’t hold back in what her thoughts were. I sigh at her message and toss my phone onto the passenger seat as I’m getting in the car. Today felt every bit of the Monday that it was.
I barely slept all weekend. Saturday night, Ford stayed with me until around four a.m. when he set an alarm to wake up and sneak out before Chase saw anything. The poor guy had to put that Halloween costume back on and walk downstairs to his truck in the parking garage. Then yesterday, I gave myself a full Sunday reset. I went to the gym, grocery shopped, prepared meals and deep-cleaned the apartment. Chase was very thankful for that last bit. By the time the evening rolled around, I’d realized I hadn’t heard from Ford all day long and a pit formed in my stomach.
I overshared.
Even though this is only casual between us, I still enjoy his company and his friendship, and I’mreallyhoping I didn’t fuck that up with my whole sob story the other night. We didn’t even hook up, we barely even kissed when he was over; we just laid together, talked a little and fell asleep, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t love it. Those were the parts of relationships that always mean the most to me. And the connection that Ford and I have so effortlessly makes my head spin.
Before heading home, I’m making a pit stop at the Rec Center downtown. I’ve been peeking in every so often to see how it’s coming along. Last week when I dropped by, Dolly and I talked for at least thirty minutes. She’s so sweet and seems so excited for all of the expansions coming to the center.
“Hi Dolly.” I wave as I’m signing into the log before walking back towards the construction zone. I’m not able to go too far, but looking through the glass, it’s clear they’ve made great progress. They have a lot of the shelving and cabinets up where they’ll likely keep the supplies and the sinks are installed now too.
“He’s got such a great eye for this kind of thing.” I hear Dolly’s soft voice come up behind me. She reminds me of my grandmother, small and slightly hunched over with her silver hair, trendy glasses, and bold lip color.
“What do you mean?” I ask her as we stand in the hallway.
“Oh, Ford. He’s always been so sharp with his mind, his visions for how he sees things coming together. Like with football, you’d think he can see the play happen before it does.”
It’s so endearing to me that she and Ford have stayed so close over all of these years, she’s watched him go from a child to the grown man he is now and I’m sure that even though he isn’t her son, she feels some sense of pride.
“He’s a good boy. He might not always say a lot, but he’s always wanting to help others out. Actions. He’s an action man.” She pats my arm as we head back towards the front door.
