Mara once again looks as if she wants to say something, her gaze cutting to Svetlana’s retreating form, but Sergei starts to struggle again, and all of our attention is rediverted.
"And him?" Kazimir nods at Sergei.
I should kill him now. Quick and clean, a bullet to the head, justice for what he did. I’m thepakhanof my territory. But I look at Mara, and I remember what she said about not keeping her in the dark.
About her being mine, and me hers.
About how I felt, for that brief moment, as if I wanted someone who could be my equal in every way. Darkness and light, melding together. A woman who can be as violent as she can gentle, who can meet me in the worst places and bring us both out on the other side.
"Mara," I say quietly. "Come here."
She hesitates for only a moment, then walks toward me, stepping over debris and spent shell casings. When she's close enough, I can see the bruises on her face more clearly, the dried blood on her wrists, the exhaustion in her eyes.
But she didn’t break. She fought through it.
She’s the strongest person I know.
"You asked me once what I do," I say. "You wanted to know about my world, about the darkness I live in. You wanted to knowme."
"Ilya—"
"This is it." I gesture at the warehouse, at the bodies, at Sergei bleeding beneath my knife. "This is what I am. This is what my life looks like."
Mara bites her lip. "I know."
"Do you?" I shift my grip on the knife, and Sergei groans with pain. "Because I'm about to show you something you can't unsee. Something that will change you. And you can be a part of it, if you want to be. A part of my world. Someone I trust."
Mara's eyes move from my face, to the knife, to Sergei and back again, and I watch her process what I'm offering. What I'm asking.
“You killed a man in your gallery. One of his men. You did it in self defense. This is a different line to cross. This one requires intent.” I hold out the knife, handle first. "This man took you. Hurt you. Killed my men. He was going to force me to choose which of you died, and he was going to enjoy every second of it. He would have tortured you and taken great pleasure in it."
Mara stares at the knife, and I can see the war playing out on her face. The part of her that's horrified by what I'm suggesting, that was always taught that this is wrong—and the part of her that's angry, that wants revenge, to prove she's not a victim.
"If you do this," I say quietly, "there's no going back. You'll be part of this world, not just an observer. You'll have blood on your hands, literally and figuratively. You'll be mine in a way that can't be undone."
She swallows hard. "And if I don't?"
"Then I'll do it myself. I’ll always protect you, Mara. But you said you needed to be beside me, not kept locked away behind me. This is what it means to be an equal, in my world.”
She draws in a slow breath. “You won’t think less of me if I don’t?”
I shake my head. “I would always protect you,kotenok. I will kill anyone I have to in order to keep you safe. I’ll keep your hands clean, if that’s what you want. You asked for choices. I’m giving you one.”
Slowly, Mara moves to stand in front of Sergei. She crouches down, then kneels in front of his face, her gaze meeting mine. And her hand reaches out, covering mine over the handle of the knife.
“It takes more force than you think,” I say quietly. “When you’re ready.”
It’s as if Sergei is already dead. As if this moment is between her and I, and nothing else. She looks at me, and in her eyes I see fear and anger and…relief. Like she's been waiting for permission to be the person she's always wanted to be.
My hand tightens around the knife, under hers, and hers tightens over mine.
Sergei is struggling now, realizing what's about to happen, but I have my knee on his back and he can't move. "Here," I murmur in Mara's ear, leaning forward and cupping her cheek as I press the knife down. "Quick and deep. Don't hesitate."
"Ilya, please—" Sergei gasps, but I press down harder, cutting off his words.
"He doesn't get to beg," I tell Mara. "He didn't let you beg. He didn't let my men beg. He doesn't get mercy."
Mara's breathing is rapid, her body tense against mine. I can feel her heartbeat, fast and hard, and I know she's terrified. But she doesn't pull away.
