Reality slips away at his words.
My entire life, I’ve weaved in and out of people’s lives, stealing glimpses of what it’s like to be wanted and keeping them for myself. Tucking little pieces of what it's like to have somebody into my back pocket because I never knew when it would be my turn. I’ve spent so long trying to do everything myself with no one to lean on and here he was, helping me when I didn’t even ask. Offering me the soft landing I’ve been dreaming of.
A lifetime spent wondering why no one was on my side, and with his one simple statement, Nolan unties all of my self doubt, letting it fall from my shoulders like a discarded cloak.
One sentence from him and I want to spill my heart's secrets and bargain with the devil to let me keep him.
“I don’t know what to say,” I say, my voice, breathless. Behind me a faint chatter grows louder as guests start to wander in. The lights dim, signaling the night is about to begin but all I want is more time in this small snow globe of a moment.
“Harper, I—”
“Nolan.” My father's voice booms across the ballroom and the moment slips away.
Before Nolan turns to him, his fingertips sweep down my forearm. “I should go.”
I nod, and then he’s gone.
My feet ache, my cheeks burn from smiling, and my heart is so full I can barely stand it. Every minute that’s passed since Nolan walked away has been flawless. Each person I’ve talked raved; about the decor, the band, and of course the amount of money we’ve raised for the town.
The band, who I now know is called Gravestone Odyssey, is incredible. From what I’ve picked up they’re a rock back from a few towns over, who normally perform their own songs that have a lot more screaming in them. Which I’m sure is great, but I’m thankful they’ve stuck to covers for the night.
Nolan has been elusive; I’ve caught glimpses of him throughout the night and each time I do, his eyes are already on me. I’m dying to know what he was going to say before my father arrived. I’m trailing along the border of the dance floor when the music switches and a softer melody streams out of the speakers.
I’m watching all the couples slow down, women draping their arms around necks and men slipping arms around waists when suddenly a hand slips into mine and I’m being pulled out onto the floor.
My gasp lets out into a soft breath when I register Nolan’s hand in mine. “What are we doing, Nolan?” I lean in to whisper, letting my hand fall from his grasp. Or at least I tried to.
He holds me tighter. The room spins as I’m twirled around and brought closer into his chest. “Dancing,” he answers.
My eyes dart around but no one seems to notice or care. “But, people will see.”
“That’s never been an issue for me.” His voice is tender and the words are more genuine than I’ve ever heard.
Relaxing into his arms is a move that requires no thought, a muscle movement developed over only two weeks. A movement heavy with realization of finding a safe place to fall and all the regret of knowing I won’t have it for long. But I think I’m okay with it, because this is what I wanted out of this whole glorious mess; to feel wanted.
With the warmth of Nolan’s hands sinking through the fabric of my dress and his cheek pressing gently against the top of my head I have everything I could possibly want.
The lead singer croons the words of a Cigarettes After Sex song in turn with hollow snare drum taps and deep reverberating bass guitar. I’m lulled into a hazy state I never want to come out of. “This is nice.” My voice, as dreamy as my thoughts.
Nolan’s chest expands under my face as I press further into him. “I could stay here forever, Sweet Girl.” His lips press against my hair as he murmurs the words but there’s no mistaking what he said.
When his throat bobs with a thick swallow, and his body stills under my touch, I zip up my feelings that were oozing out moments ago. This is not the stature of a man who is about to give me good news. Despite his sentiment.
“Harper, I’m twenty two years older than you,” he says as if it’s a way to explain away what’s about to happen.
I breathe out. “I know.”
“I’m your boss.”
“I know.” My heart turns to lead in my chest.
We stop dancing and he gazes down at me but there's no remorse in his eyes. “And I’ve been your dad’s friend for years.”
I can feel it, the last nail in the coffin, the one that was always coming but I was all too happy ignoring it. He’s going to tell me we're through, that whatever arrangement we have is at its end and will let me down gently because he’s kind and would never want to hurt me.
Bracing myself for the inevitable blow, I pull back from his chest but his hands grip me around the waist and keep me from moving.
Nolan’s eyes search mine. Straining, pleading, yearning. A vast spectrum of emotions encapsulated in the prettiest glacier blue orbs.
