Which makes no sense.
Granted, I don’t keep up with all my sister's friends, we’re not close enough to run in the same circles for me to know who she spends her time with but I should know if my coworker was friends with my sister. Right?
Sadie slides into the chair next to Hallie, pulls the linen napkin from its silver ring, and delicately places it in her lap. Predatory eyes scan the table with eagerness until she finds exactly who she’s here for.
My father is as subtle as a cactus in a snow field. It’s no secret he’s used the secretary position as a personal matchmaking service for Nolan. Every candidate that’s graced that chair is a carbon copy of the one before, but I can’t figure out why he is so bent on putting Sadie in Nolan’s crosshairs. What is it about her, and why did my dad even care about who his friend dates?
Sadie’s sights land on Nolan and a smile crosses her face that makes even my teeth ache. “Nolan, it’s nice to see you make it out of the office.” Her eyes slide to me. “And Harper’s here.”
Sadie’s face always does this thing when she sees something she doesn’t care for. Like anytime an email is sent to her requiring her to do her actual job, women in clothes she deems tacky, carbs, or in this instance, me. Her eyes widen while her features pinch inward, like a lemon has been shoved in her mouth.
Hallie leans over, whispering something that has Sadie throwing her head back, laughing loud enough that the entire table looks over. Which is what she wanted.
“What’s so funny down there?” my mother interjects, desperate to be part of my sister’s life in any way.
Sadie looks around the long table, making sure everyone’s eyes are on her. Which they are, or at least all but one set because when I turn to the side, planning the quickest way out, Nolan’s looking back at me. Baby blue and tainted with an echo of concern. Under the table, away from everyone, his fingers skim the side of my thigh.
A haunting reminder that we are a secret.
“Oh, nothing, just Hallie was reminding me of the last Cupid Ball. There was this woman, she bent over at one of the tables and her dress ripped down the side, the wholething split open her Spanx on display for everyone to see. The funniest thing,” Sadie says loud enough for everyone to hear, and the table erupts in small snickers.
Flames erupt in my chest, and all I want is for them to burn me alive so I’m reduced to nothing but a pile of ashes. Sadie wasn’t even there for that, I didn’t even know her then. I left getting a dress to the last minute and ended up wearing something from the back of my closet that fit five diets ago. It was risky to start with but there was no other choice. One wrong move and the threads finally gave out. I was mortified and left while holding my dress against my body to keep it up.
I remember Hallie laughing at me from her table.
“Oh my god,” Sadie feigned surprise. “Wait a minute, wasn’t that you Harper?”
My throat begins to burn in an instant.
This only solidifies that my sister feels nothing and maybe even hates me, despite not actually knowing anything about me.
Across from me both women wear matching smug faces as I wait for the ground to open up and swallow me. I didn’t want to be here for a reason. I don’t come back here because despite the blood we share, these people are not my family. I don’t have a family, all I have is myself.
A heavy hand comes down on my thigh, causing me to jump. My head snaps to Nolan, and with the smallest movement possible, I shake my head and push his hand off.
“What’s wrong, Harper, can’t take a joke,” Hallie mocks before faking a pout.
This is where a braver version of myself would stand up and tell her no, she just wasn’t funny. The bolder version of me would get up and leave this house and never look back. But those versions of me don’t exist yet, they’re still trapped somewhere under all the optimism that lives inside of me, hoping for the day these people open their eyes and realize they aren’t supposed to treat others this way.
“I’m sorry, I seem to have missed the joke,” Nolan answers for me, practically stealing the words from my mouth. “All I heard was a snide story that’s not funny.”
Nolan’s hand is back on me, gripping my thigh, the fabric of my skirt bunching in his hand while he challenges Sadie. Internal whiplash is taking over as I look from the devil twins across from me trying to force me out of this house and the man next to me lighting my skin on fire with a single touch.
With a flip, Sadie turns the mean girl persona off and turns on, what I think she thinks is a seductress, and pointsit toward Nolan. “Oh, we’re just playing,” she croons, and even throws in a wink for good measure.
I might vomit if I have to stay here any longer.
“Yeah, it’s just a game, Harper knows she’s not like us, it’s fine,” says Hallie
“Not like who?” Nolan pushes back clearly, not grasping onto what she’s implying. What she always loves to remind me. That I don’t belong.
“No, I’m sorry, you are going to have to spell it out for me because there’s no way you're saying what I think you’re saying, out loud and in front of people, to your sister.”
“Nolan, please stop,” I whisper.
When this man who I only have a sexual relationship with, who’s shown me more kindness in sixty seconds than my family has shown me all year, looks at me again, I want to tell him it’s no use, that she’s always been like this. But I can’t get the words out.
The room is dead silent, all eyes on the four of us.
