“Harper, please wait,” I bellow into the night.
“No thank you!” she shouts over her shoulder, steps away from her car. I break into a jog to get to her before she gets in and leaves me in the dust.
My hand comes down on the door handle as she yanks it open.
“Nolan, please do not make this any more embarrassing than it is.”
“This isn’t embarrassing, this is…”
“A nightmare?” she blurts out as I say, “Unexpected.”
When she pauses, everything comes to a halt around us and for a moment, we just stare at each other, like figures in a snow globe. Harper swallows loudly, stealing little glances at me. “You're not horrified, it’s…me?”
I hate the way the word drips out of her mouth, like it’s an unfathomable notion. The single syllable breaks whatever resolve I have in me because I can’t stand the fact that she has no idea how I feel about her.
In the six months I’ve worked with Harper, I’ve slowly let myself spiral down a hole where I’m consumed by her. Not a single thought passes through my head that I don’t automatically look for a way to tie to her. When I’m dressing for the day, I wonder which suit she would like best. On my drive into town, I run through my tasks for the day and see which of them will bring me in contact with her and then make those a priority. At night when I’m home alone, I fantasize about having her across the counter from me while I cook and yearn to know what she likes best. And at night, I fall into bed only to fuck my own fist at the thought of her.
Harper lives in the crevices of my brain and yet I’ve also spent the last six months trying to get her out because everything tells me we could never be together. There are so many reasons to choose from that I’m left paralyzed.
A twenty year age gap, the fact I’m her boss, and her dad has been my friend since we were children. Take your pick, any one of those will pull in gossip and snide remarks from everyone in Cupid, guaranteed, and that’s not what I want for her. Not to mention I frequent Midnights because my tastes in bed extend past what I can get from simple hook ups.
I’m not the type of man who deserves a woman like Harper, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting her.
“Horrified isn’t even on the spectrum of my feelings.”
She finally looks at me and the weak tie holding back my secret longing for her comes undone. Brown eyes, darker than then night sky and more captivating than anything I’ll ever encounter stare back at me, pulling me in like a siren. It’s a certain death for me if I follow her but I’m not sure a sweeter way to go exists.
Don’t do it. Don’t do it.
Just leave her, I try to convince myself. I can live the rest of my life without corrupting her. For once I wish I was the type of man I am in the bedroom. The type of man who likes to give, who isn’t selfish, but I’m not.
“You said you wanted to learn, to explore your sexuality with a partner.”
She groans and buries her face into her hands, trying to hide. “Don’t remind me. God I’m so embarrassed you saw me like that.”
I step closer and already dizzy thinking about everything I can show her. With a soft tug around her wrist, I pull her hands down but she’s avoiding me again. I can’t stand it.
“Harper, look at me.” My voice is gentle but the command is there and I wait to see how she responds.
Her chest fills with a deep breath and once she exhales she slowly lifts her head. A beast in my chest unfurls, threatening to strut around at the simple act of obedience and it’s hard not to let him loose.
“Beautiful,” I praise and watch as she stands up a little straighter.
Now the beast struts around.
“If you want to pretend like this never happened, I can do that. We’ll show up for work tomorrow and it will be like any other day, or—” I pause, waiting to see how she’ll respond or if my attempt is futile.
It’s a small movement but hard not to miss when her tongue darts out to wet her bottom lip before replying in a soft voice. “Or what?” It’s not a threat, it’s an opening.
“Or I can show you anything, everything, you want to learn.”
The weighted statement rolls across her face as we stand in the near dark. There haven’t been many people out here but a few pass us, saying nothing on their way inside. Frigid air blows around us as Harper pulls the thick jacket tighter around her. Any more lingering and I’m going to have to convince her to go back inside before the tip of her nose turns pink.
“I don’t know if I can be with you…in there.”
A breath whooshes past my lips. At least she didn’t end the sentence where I thought she was going to. “Would you be more comfortable in my home?”
“Maybe?” she questions. “I’m not sure what to think right now, it’s all a bit…much.”
