The air was dead between us for a moment before she let out a long sigh. “Figures she wouldn’t tell you.” It could be anything, but my whole body froze at her statement. Before I could ask, she answered my question. “Today is Camden’s birthday. Lennon’s fine, I’m sure, she’s just at home. Hiding if you ask me, but fine, none the less.”
I exhaled loudly into the receiver, grateful that she was okay, but I felt useless. I didn’t know what to do in this situation, but the pull to go to her was overwhelming.
There were nights that Lennon would call me to come over after her mother would disappear, leaving her and Abby alone with no warning. I would stay for as long as possible doing whatever I could to make sure she was okay and that included checking in on Abby. She was fifteen and would mainly hole herself up in her room during these nights. Before leaving, I would duck my head in to see how she was doing, a short conversation, but one I always made sure to have.
“Are you okay Abby?” It was second nature for me to ask.
The line was quiet for a second before she replied. “I miss him. I really do, but I think that what I miss most is my sister and who she was before all of this heartbreak. I don’t know if that makes me a shitty person, but it’s the truth,” she confessed.
“You’re good for her, Theo. You’ve brought her back and I can’t thank you enough.”She sounded so sure of herself. As if she knew for certain that my presence in her sister’s life was the exact thing that was bringing her back to life.I didn’t have words for her confession.
Loving Lennon was as easy as breathing, and the people in her life keep thanking me for it. There was a steady feeling of embarrassment that coursed through me each time it happened.
I pushed my car past the speed limit recommendations throughout town. It might have been overstepping, but there was something telling me she shouldn’t be alone. My car pulled up outsideof Lennon’s house as the last of the sun fell below the horizon. The house was dark, but her car was here, so Abby was correct.
My knuckles hit her door, and I waited and listened for the sound of footsteps, but nothing came. This might go wrong, but I reached for the doorknob and turned.
As I stepped inside, I called out her name, but still silence. The kitchen and living room were empty. There was still no sign of Lennon until I turned down the hallway. Her bedroom door was closed, but there was soft light coming out from underneath.
I tapped on her door gently. “Lennon, love. Are you alright?” The knob turned without any resistance, and I stepped into her room.
She was the first thing I saw when the door opened, sitting in the middle of the bed with her legs tucked underneath her. Her head hung between her shoulders as she looked into her lap where her fingers twirled a pair of rings around in circles, and there were papers strewn around her.
I took a few steps closer when she lifted her head to meet my gaze. Her eyes were bloodshot, red splotches adorned her cheeks, and by the looks of it all, she hadn’t left this room all day.
She looked right through me, as if she couldn’t decide if I was really here or not. I crouched down in front of the bed and into her line of sight. Her brows pulled together in confusion. “Theo, what are you doing here?” she asked, her voice deep and raspy as it cracked over the words.
“I got worried when I didn’t hear from you. I know it’s Camden’s birthday. I didn’t want you to be alone.”
Her chin trembled and tears gathered in her waterline as she looked down at me. “I didn’t write him a letter, Theo. Two birthdays he’s been gone, and I don’t get to write him letters anymore.” The tears were spilling down her face, and I was helpless.
From the way the papers were crinkled, I could tell she had been reading them over and over throughout the day. I didn’t understand what they meant. I just knew that they meant something. The way agony was splashed across her face, it was clear that they were important to her, important to them.
I gathered her in my arms and moved to lie with her on the bed. Curling behind her, I pulled her in close as the sobs wracked through her body. The room filled with the deafening sounds of heartbreak as she clung onto my arms.
Coming back for Lennon might have been a decision that was based on emotion more than logic, but it was one I would make over and over again for her.For me, this was reason enough. To be here for her when life got hard and when she wouldn’t ask for the help, I knew she craved.
I held her tightly as she fell apart in my arms, trying to keep the pieces in place while my heart broke with hers. There was no instruction manual for how to help with this situation, but if there were ahelping the woman I love grieve her husbandbook, I’d buy every copy. Anything to help her, because if this was killing me, my mind could not fathom the pain coursing through her.
In the dead of night, after her tears had dried and her cries were silent, I gently, with so much love and affection, promised to put her pieces back together.
thirty-one
Lennon
The first thing Inoticed when I woke up was the way my comforter was tucked in around me. It was tightly wound around my body, like a swaddled newborn. I didn’t exactly hate it. Next was the throbbing headache behind my eyes. The steady pounding was like someone was playing the drums in my head.
My feet thrashed their way out of my blanket confinement and my chest vibrated with a low groan when I sat up. It was like a house was dropped on top of me or like I had spent the night hysterically crying in the arms of a man about my dead husband.
Embarrassment was only the beginning. The lingering feeling of defeat engulfed the room, smothering any chance I had of redeeming myself.I made sure to seclude myself yesterday. I hated being around people when I was vulnerable, but I’d be lying if I said having Theo show up wasn’t comforting, but obviously too much for him.
The bed was empty beside me, and I didn’t blame him for leaving. If there was a way to escape myself when emotions took over, I would take it, too. I flopped backwards to wallow in my self pity for a few more moments while I battled the need to find the largest cup of coffee.
Then the door swung open.
He’s still here,was the first thought that popped up, followed by,thank God he had coffee for me,when I noticed the steam rolling out of the top of the mug that was clutched in his hand. Last, but certainly not least, he was shirtless, with a pair of gym shorts slung so low on his hips that saliva pooled in my mouth.
I should call Dr. Williams for another session and talk this through because there was no way this one-eighty in emotions was healthy. Crying over one man at night to be turned on in the morning by another.
