His fingers weave through the hair at the base of my neck, gently massaging as I melt deeper into the cushions. “What’s going on, Kates?”
I don’t say what comes to mind, that I’m in the house he bought for us where a little girl is sleeping upstairs, and he’s a stellar pro athlete while I still have nothing to contribute. How I hate myself for walking away all those years ago when I let my fears rule my choices.
Instead, I shrug as all the possible explanations catch in my throat. “Not the only one keeping secrets around here,” I mumble, well aware I sound like a spoiled child. “You should have told me,” I whisper, my voice cracking as I finally make eye contact. “I would have dropped everything.”
He shakes his head as he toys with the ends of my hair. “And ask you to come back to Steele Valley? No. I would never ask that of you. You hate it here.”
“I don’t hate it here.”
“You do—”
“I don’t,” I say with a newfound conviction, surprising myself as well as Silas. I turn in my spot to get a better look at the man who loved me through it all and never gave up on us. “When I left, things felt heavy. Living felt heavy. There were too many bad memories overshadowing anything good. You were about to kick off your first season here, and I was scared.”
I don’t notice the first tear until Silas’s thumb swipes along my cheek as he cups my jaw. My eyes close as more tears follow, oneafter the other, silent sobs wracking my body. Silas remains my rock, grounding me as I let the pain flow.
When we found out I was pregnant at nineteen, we were terrified but excited. Raising a family together had always been a chapter we wanted to write together. But no one warned us that one in four pregnancies never makes it to term. At ten weeks, we’d heard a strong heartbeat. At fourteen weeks, we’d learned the gender—a baby boy. At fifteen weeks, I felt the first distinctive kicks and immediately fell in love with the little lug inside me.
The nightmare began right before my twentieth birthday. I was just barely seventeen weeks. Silas was in the midst of road games with his college team. I felt a little lightheaded that morning but was set to join him in Savannah the next day so we could celebrate together, so I’d lain down to take a short nap before hitting the road.
The celebration never came.
When I came to, I was in a hospital room, the mix of sterile antiseptic and bright lights making my stomach swirl. At the time, my brain was still foggy from the anesthesia and pain meds. The only thing I registered was the one person who should have been gearing up for a game. Instead, Silas was stationed by my bed, my hand gripped in his as tear tracks stained his cheeks.
“I’m so sorry I wasn’t here,” he’d said.
As my sobs finally subside to the occasional hiccup, I mumble my next words into Silas’s chest to avoid the pain echoed in his eyes. “I was sinking, and I didn’t want to drag you down with me. So, I ran.”
His arms tighten around me, and he sniffles before clearing his throat, his lips moving against my temple as he speaks. “The only thing you have ever done in all the years I’ve known you, Oakley Kate, is lift me up. You really think you could drag medown?” He leans back, his calloused hands cradling my face. “On the ice and off, you are the reason I fight for every shift.”
I force myself back into his hold, tucking my head under his chin. “You aren’t supposed to be nice and supportive,” I mumble into his stubble.
He chuckles. “Oh, Katibug. What am I going to do with you?”
“Hopefully forgive me for making really bad judgment calls.”
“Nothing to forgive. We were two kids handling unimaginable pain in our own ways.”
We sit in comfortable silence as the end credits roll on the big screen until that nagging thought in my head finally pushes its way out.
“Why didn’t you tell me you had Aubrey now? Why didn’t she? I mean, we video chat at least every few weeks, but she never mentioned it either.”
He sighs as he leans back, tucking me into his side much like Aubrey was with me earlier. “That beautiful little girl up there has locked away most of what happened. Most of the time, she treats this as an extended brother-sister visit.”
“That doesn’t sound healthy, Si,” I whisper as my heart breaks.
“Maybe not,” he admits. “She doesn’t like to think about her mom.”
“And you?”
“If word had gotten out about how much I’ve struggled to balance everything, you would have dropped everything and shown up on my doorstep. As much as I love you for that, I refuse to ever make you feel trapped.” His voice falters, and he glances away as his confession registers. “Sorry, I um…”
“Don’t,” I say before he can take it back. “I filed for a leave of absence, but human resources denied the request. They blamed it on understaffing and me not qualifying for leave. The real reason was because I denied my boss’s very direct advances and told him I’d report him if he ever put his hands on me again.”
Silas’s entire body stiffens as he grabs for his phone. “What’s his name?”
That impulsive streak that flows through my veins almost blurts out the name, but luckily, the conscientious part of my brain realizes how terrible of an idea that could be. “Nice try, baby. Your coach and team would kill me if you landed in jail for assault.”
He snorts. “Who said anything about assault? Hell, I wouldn’t even get my hands dirty. All it takes these days is a little negative publicity, and he’d never work again.”
