He nods slowly. “Okay…” And then after a pause, “That’s good.”
Is it?
I nod toward the stairs, Shai and I going up together. It’s not until we’re in my room, with the door closed, that he says, “I’m sorry.”
“What the fuck are you sorry for?” I try to pull my hoodieoff and wince.
“Let me help you.”
His words are kind, and I shouldn’t be frustrated by them, but now that I’m coming out of it, they rub me wrong. “I’m not a fucking kid. I can take care of myself.”
“Stop being an asshole, Cherry.”
I cock a brow at him.
“Would you let me if I were Cillian?”
I roll my eyes. “You don’t have any reason to be jealous of him. It’s not…not like…” Like what? Saying that what’s between Cil and me isn’t like what’s between me and Shai feels like admitting something I can’t figure out how to say, something I’m still trying to acknowledge. “This. It’s not like this with him.”
“I’m not jealous. I’m glad you have him. I was just making a point.”
A sigh slips past my lips. The truth is, I would let Cillian help, but more because that’s how we’ve always been. It’s not easy to allow myself to trust someone new. Something about Shai makes me want to, though. “You can help, but first tell me why you’re sorry.”
“Because it’s my fault you were there. Because they knew I was the weaker link, and that’s why he came for me, and if I’d been paying better attention, you wouldn’t have had to try and help me, and you wouldn’t be hurt right now.”
“And they wouldn’t be dead either?”
“I don’t give a fuck about that—about them. I didn’t want shit to come down onyou. That’s the only fucking reason I said not to kill them. I didn’t want you to have to do that for me.”
My eyes squint, forehead wrinkling up as I try to figure him out, to put more of those puzzle pieces together so I understand what’s going on. All that was about me? WasShai’s worry for me?
“None of what happened tonight was your fault, Shai. I nearly drowned a man in front of you. I was…gone. I get in my head like that sometimes. Like I can’t get out of it, and I lose control.” And the thing is, I don’t even regret it. Not really. This is the life we lead. I’ve never had a problem with it until tonight.
“But I found you,” he says, stepping closer. “You let me find you, and I reeled you back in.”
It’s as if I’m outside my body, watching him doing this to someone else as he goes for my hoodie, but it’s my arms lifting, my head he pulls the hoodie over, so it must be happening to me. He drops it to the floor, then goes for my T-shirt. I let him take that off too, see that the black is almost gone from one of his nails. “Your polish is messed up.” It might be the dumbest thing I’ve ever said.
“I can fix it,” he says with a small, cocky smile.
“But I found you. You let me find you, and I reeled you back in…”
He did find me, and I let him. In that moment, Shai’s voice, the way he called me baby, pulled me back from that place where most people can’t reach me.
“Are you going to finish taking off my clothes, or what?” I ask, feeling myself grin, something that just an hour ago had felt forever out of reach.
“You’re ridiculous.”
“You’re the one who needs me,” I counter. “Your words, not mine.”
“Of course you’re gonna use that to your advantage.”
But he doesn’t deny it. Why isn’t he denying it?
He takes my hand and pulls me to the bathroom. “Think we can get cleaned up without getting your bandage wet?”
“If the prize is getting naked with you, you can getanything on me wet.”
“God, it’s so fucking hot how much you love my dick.” He presses my hand against the growing bulge between his legs.
