“It’s your fault,” he counters. “And Cillian’s. First him with Ollie, and now you and…whatever this is. Believe me, I’d love to go back to being a heartless asshole.”
Tiernan isn’t a heartless asshole. He never has been, and he never will be.
“I just want to play with him for a little while. We can trust him. I told you how he was raised. He’s not a nark, and he’s not the type who doesn’t get who we are and what we do.”
He massages his temples, then pinches the bridge of his nose. “He’s your responsibility. He doesn’t know or see things he shouldn’t know or see. If this goes wrong, it comes down on you, Ror.” He’s not saying that because he wants to, but because he has to. “And you know what happens if things go wrong?”
Of course I fucking know. “I’ll kill him myself if it comes to that.” The words taste more bitter than any I’ve ever spoken.
“Fine. Keep your pet, but he better stay on a motherfucking leash.”
I grin. “Leashes sound fun. We’re already going to try lingerie.”
His eyes bulge slightly, but then he shakes his head, smiling. “You keep things interesting for us, Rory. We need you. Don’t ever forget that.”
I nod, an unfamiliar lump in my throat, but try to play it off. “Am I free to go, Daddy?”
“Shut the fuck up and get out of here.”
“Thank God. The asshole is back.” I wink at him, light and happy and…excited.
When I get out into the hallway, Cillian is there, hands in his pockets, waiting. “Everything good?” he asks.
“Yeah. T wants him leashed but he can stay for now.”
“If he hurts you…”
“He won’t, Cil.” I shrug. “He gets me.”
He frowns. “Gets you how?”
“He just does.”
“Is he going to change things?”
“No,” I say, adamantly. “Never. It’s just fun, and even if it wasn’t, no one changes things. Just like Ollie didn’t change things.”
“He’s convinced you’ll fall in love with Shai.”
My sweet bunny. Of course he is. “I won’t.”
“I don’t like him, I don’t trust him, but I want you to have that…to be happy.”
“It’s notthat,” I argue. I would know if it wasthat. One has to fucking understandthatto feel it.
“Okay,” he says, but his tone feels off. “I’m not asking this to be a dick, but I have Ollie to think about. If things change, talk to us.”
“Things won’t change.”
“My second concern, then…I know you always keep it wrapped, but you’re also not usually trying to move people in. Are you two being safe? I can’t risk Ollie that way.”
“He hasn’t fucked me bare, and I haven’t fucked him at all. We had a talk, and while he’s my pet, he won’t touch anyone else. He says he’s negative, he hasn’t been with anyone but me in Ashford, and we’ll go get tested together.” Does it make sense to do that? We don’t have a lot of fucks left, but I understand Cillian’s concern. While I’ve never fucked Ollie, he has blown me, and I’ve blown him. “I would never risk Ollie.”
“I know. Fuck. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” He bends over, hands on his thighs. “Why is this fucking with me? Me and Ollie were talking about it last night. I don’t get it.”
With a sigh, I relax against the wall beside him. Even though what’s happening with Shai and me isn’t the same, I say, “Do you think it didn’t fuck with me when you and Olliegot together? Because it did, more than I showed you. It’s always been us—me, you, T, and Ash—for so long, but even deeper than that, there’s been me and you. There’s no way to untangle us, Cil.”
We just are.
