“The child-rapist dad?”
He shrugs. “Only one I have.”
Is he telling me this for a reason? Saying he doesn’t like coke? Does that mean I’m supposed to like, stop? Make sure I don’t do it around him? Would I stop if he wanted me to? I mean, it’d be temporary, just until he fucks away his debt. We’re already at twelve hundred dollars of the four thousand.
“Hey,” he says, interrupting my thoughts. “Your leg isbouncing like crazy.” Shai reaches over and puts his hand on it. “You were lost there for a minute.”
“My brain. It does that. Kinda runs away from me sometimes.”
“Why was it just now?” Shai asks.
Here’s the thing: I’ve always been the type to say whatever’s on my mind. I’m not locked down tight like Tiernan, but I’m also not like Cil, who is so much better at understanding this emotional shit, so I’m stuck between wanting to spit it out because it’s not a big fucking deal and holding it in because in reality, I don’t know what motivated that thought. I settle on, “I was trying to figure out what you meant.”
“About the coke? Nothing. It was just a question. I don’t do it, but I don’t have a problem with people who do. I don’t want you to give it to my mom, and I’ll probably not want to be around you if you’re high all the time. That’s not your issue, though.”
But it is my issue if I want to fuck him like crazy for however long we have. “I don’t do it a lot. Even less since Bunny. He doesn’t like it.”
Shai rolls onto his side. He’s a bit of a mess, his hair even wilder than usual.
“You know if you ever get serious about someone, this whole situation you have with Cillian and Ollie might be a problem, right? It’s not the way most relationships work.”
“If they can’t understand it, they’re not the one for me, just like Ollie wouldn’t have been the one for Cillian if he didn’t understand it.” I pluck my box of weed from the drawer and decide to roll a joint instead of getting up to add water to the bong. I lean against the headboard, Shai lying on his back now beside me, looking at the ceiling.
“I think it’s cool.”
I frown. Does he jump around subjects too? “What’s cool?”
“The thing with the three of you. And not just the sex, though the thought of that is hot, but like…the connection. I’m not a fan of Cillian, but I can see how much he loves you, how much Ollie does too. Most people don’t have that.”
He doesn’t. It doesn’t take a genius to see that. He deserves to have his own Cillian and Ollie, his own Ash, and Tiernan, and Dean.
“You understand us.”
“I see you,” he replies, those words making me feel…something. I can’t put my finger on what it is.
“You’re not like most people, pet.” I lick the end of the paper and finish rolling it.
“And you are?”
I laugh. “Fuck no, but it’s not often I meet someone who is like us…or me.”
I’m about to light the end of the joint when my cell buzzes.
Cillian: T’s back from Boston.
Fuck. Here we go.
Me: I’ll be right down.
“Here, you can have this.” I hand the weed to Shai. “I have to go talk to Tiernan. Don’t leave the room. Don’t get into my shit. You can play video games if you want, or shower. I’ll be back.”
He doesn’t respond, just eyes me in that intense way of his, until I get to the door. “Cherry?”
“What?”
“Don’t fuck this up, what you have here with your family, for me.”
My pulse does this weird thing, speeds up while also strangely stumbling. “I could never fuck up what I have with them. That’s not how we work. But thank you for caring.” He shouldn’t. He’s not supposed to. He doesn’t know me wellenough for that, and hell, knowing me should make him care about me even less, but not Shai, I see. “You deserve this too,” I say, then leave the room, closing the door behind me.
