I don’t have to add an LOL. Cil knows me well enough to realize I’m just busting his balls.
Cil: Stop being a bastard. Take your nap. I’ll see you later.
I don’t take a nap, though. I smoke another bowl, eat a bowl of cereal, then go upstairs.
I could leave, go find some trouble, go do shit I have no business doing, but then I’ll have to deal with Tiernan and his lectures about knowing how to control ourselves—though Dean’s been getting the brunt of those because the motherfucker is a loose cannon.
But I want to recreate the thrill I felt when Blue Eyes had a gun to my head, want to go out and do something, anything, to feel that sense of danger I love, or hell, maybe even just to find someone to fuck.
I want to, but I don’t go. Instead, I strip out of my clothes, grab the lube and one of my guns from my nightstand, and dick in one hand, my nine in the other, I jerk off, thinking about that night with Blue Eyes. A few minutes later, I come all over my chest, but it’s not enough.
*
I must havepassed out because I’m startled awake by a knock on my bedroom door. I recognize Cillian’s quick rapping style.
“Come in,” I say, looking around for my underwear.
Cil chuckles. “It smells like cum in here.”
“Oh my God. You’re the horniest person I know.” Ollie picks up my boxer briefs and tosses them to me.
“Bunny? Do you know you? You’re the dick-hungriest person I’ve ever met.”
He blushes.
Cil and I have only shared him once, but it was the best night of my life—sharing the person Cillian loves with him…there are no words to express how much that means to me.
“Be good,” Cillian tells me.
“Where’s the fun in that?” I sit back on my bed, leaning against the headboard. Cillian and Ollie join me. “What’s wrong?” I ask.
“Nothing. We just wanted to hang out with you,” Ollie replies.
“Fuck that. Something’s up.” I turn to Cillian, knowing he’ll keep it real because he knows I’ll kick his ass if he doesn’t.
“Just checking that everything’s okay. Shit’s changed a lot over the last year, and—”
“Shut up. Don’t finish that sentence. I’m fucking fine. I don’t need you to treat me with kid gloves because you and fucking Tiernan went and fell in love. I don’t want that shit, and I’m not so weak that I can’t handle being the only one alone.” I can’t believe he would even think that.
“That’s not weak.” Ollie puts his hand on my thigh. “We all need someone.”
“And I have lots of someones. I have the two of you, T, Dean, Ash, and I could find a different someone every night if I wanted to.”
Cillian pushes his hair back from his forehead, but it falls into place again. “Okay. I just wanted to be sure. You know shit will never change with us.”
Yes and no. But I won’t go into all that.
“You’re both pissing me off,” I say. “Is this an intervention?”
“No. I just don’t want you to do anything stupid while I’m gone,” Cillian says.
“I’m only allowed to do stupid stuff with you? Because we do things we’re not supposed to do every damn day.”
“You know what I mean. Don’t take unnecessary risks.”
He does have a point. I’m the worst at that. “I’ll do mybest, but I can’t make any promises.”
“Rory,” Ollie starts, and I curse.
