Cil sighs. “No, it wasn’t.”
“You like Shai, though. I see it. Ifeelit.” It’s weird how I can, like sometimes Cillian’s feelings are mine and mine are his.
“Fucking hated him at first.” Cillian pays attention to the road, only tossing me a glance from time to time. “Which you know, but…I guess it’s the same as it was with you and Ollie. I feel a connection to him, like my bond to you makes me feel him in a way I didn’t expect. He feels right for you, which makes him feel right to me. Ollie thinks so too, and while I thought I would be jealous about that, somehow I’m not. I don’t think I could stop myself from killing anyone but you for touching Ollie, though.”
I turn in the seat, the hairs on my nape standing on end, a strange jealousy filling me up. A growl slips out. “Who the fuck said anything about Shai and Ollie touching?”
“Isn’t that what we’re talking about?”
“They don’t have to touch each other. Me and you don’t touch each other.” Not really, not other than fingers brushing and shit like that.
“You think he would agree to that? He won’t care if you and Ollie touch?”
I think for a moment about Shai, our talks, how he understands me and Cillian, how he’s asked questions about how it works when Cillian, Ollie, and I are together. “It would mean as much to him as it does to us. He loves us all. He seeks a connection to us because he’s never had anything like us before. I didn’t know friendship until you, and Shai didn’t until us—all of us.”
“Christ. He’s special, yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“I don’t know,” Cillian finally answers. “If it was with anyone, it would be with him. I want to feel what you have with him. You get that with me and Ollie, right? You feel it?”
“I do,” I answer honestly.
“Then…maybe,” he says, and right now, maybe is enough.
“One more question.”
He glances my way and smiles. “Third time’s the charm.”
“Can you take me somewhere? I want to do something before we go home. Something for Shai. I’m fucking consumed by him.”
“No shit. Where to?”
I love that he doesn’t question me as I tell him, that he sits and waits for me while it’s done.
A few hours later we get back to the house and find Ollie and Shai sitting on the floor at the coffee table, Ollie painting Shai’s nails, books spread out—they must’ve been studying earlier.
“You’re home!” Ollie shoves to his feet and launches himself into Cillian’s arms. He worries a lot, and I think he always will. I can’t imagine this is easy on him.
“Hey,” I say to Shai.
He grins, stands and walks over. “Feel better?” he asks.
“I do.”
He hooks his finger beneath my chin and presses his lips to mine. “I missed you.”
“I thought about you all day. Wanna see?”
He frowns, clearly confused, but nods. I take off my jacket, then my shirt. On my chest over my left pec is a bandage. I pull it off, and…
“Holy fucking shit,” Shai says breathlessly, looking at theboldSHAIin my skin.
“You tattooed hisnameon your chest?” Ollie asks.
“I’m obsessed with him, Bunny,” I say, but don’t turn my attention away from Shai.
He reaches out, doesn’t touch the ink, but lets his black-painted nails dance around the red, puffy skin. “Now I’ll always be with you…even when I’m not,” he says.
