I opened and closed my mouth a few times, but no words came out. I did. I loved going fast and being flung into the air and performing tricks where one wrong movement would mean injury for one or both of us. That wasn’t the same as this. This could be more dangerous than a broken bone. This was our career and emotions. Those would leave deeper marks than any physical injury.
Dom pulled his hat off and ran a hand through his hair. “I’m going to go talk to the guys. I hate that you’re right.” He turned and walked over to where most of the other male figure skaters were huddled together.
I watched him go. He pulled his toque back on as he walked, but his hair was just visible peeking out the bottom of his hat. It was a relief that he was out of reach, making it hard to make a mistake, but at the same time I wanted to walk up to him and grab him again. Even if we couldn’t be together that way, we had made it here together. I knew we both needed time to get our heads straight. It was just too easy to be tempted when our emotions were so high. The lights and the excitement had a reputation for getting to the athletes. Rumour had it they made sure there were thousands of condoms available in Athlete’s Village specifically because so many people wanted to work off their nervous energy with sex. We didn’t need anything else pushing us in that direction. It was hard enough to fight already.
Chapter 28
Chapter 28
Twodayslater,Domand I were ready to skate our free skate for the first time. After the ice dance and ladies had their first skates, the teams with the five highest scores after the short programs would move onto the finals. Dom and I were ready to go, under the assumption that we would be in the top five.
For the first time in all the years I had known her, Alexa Hoffman looked nervous when she was getting ready. She was striking, tall with perfectly styled and highlighted blonde hair. She always had an air of confidence, the kind only somebody who was good looking and knew it could have. If she didn’t feel sure of herself going into an event, she never let it show. Even when she and Seth and been ranked fifth in the world a couple of years ago, you never would’ve known that they weren’t shoe-ins for medals. It was enough to make even me think people didn’t have a chance against her, no matter what had happened in the season so far. For her to be anxiously picking at the edges of her acrylic nails, the clacking noise of nail hitting nail just audibleunder the commotion of three disciplines of skaters getting ready, things were serious.
I reached out and placed one of my hands gently on hers. “Don’t ruin your nails.” I kept my voice down so anyone who hadn’t noticed her fidgeting wouldn’t have their attention drawn to it. People in figure skating were pretty good sports, but you still didn’t want to show even the slightest hint of weakness going into competition. “You are ready for this. You were judged as the most qualified in the country to take on this part of the competition.” They were words I’d struggled to convince myself of, but maybe they would help her out.
She nodded and moved her hands to the flowing fabric of her skirt. As an ice dancer, she didn’t have to do any jumps or be lifted over her partner’s head. That meant she wasn’t hindered by a skirt that fell closer to her knee that just below her butt. Her dress had only a little embellishment, so at least she didn’t have to worry about picking something off accidentally.
One she seemed calmer, I looked around for Elodie. She should have been ready by now, but she was nowhere to be seen. I hoped she wasn’t off freaking out somewhere. Despite the way she tried to project confidence, it was a poorly kept secret that she felt mounting pressure this year. Four years ago, an injury had kept her from performing her best. I hoped she wasn’t reliving the mistakes of her last short program. I would tell her that, if only I knew where she had gone.
I bit my lip. “I’m going to go see if Elodie is with Dom and Seth,” I told Alexa.
She nodded. “I’ll come with you. Just give me a second.” She was back a minute later with her team jacket in her hands. “Can’t forget this,” she said, raising it slightly.
“Are you going to put it on?” I asked.
“Not yet,” she said. “It’s too warm in here.”
It really wasn’t, but I wasn’t going to dispute that. If she wanted to pretend that it was the temperature or her dress making her warm instead of anxiety, I would play along. “Dom and I agreed to meet up in the same spot as last time. I’ll show you.”
I wove my way through the skaters, coaches, and choreographers hurrying around. Everyone looked like they were singularly focused on their goals at hand, whatever they may be. The good thing was that it meant that a lot of them were on the move, allowing Alexa and me to squeeze around them. Once everyone got settled, the groups could crowd the corridors, which never quite seemed to be wide enough. It didn’t matter how much space they gave us. Without fail, people would congregate in clusters and block the flow of foot traffic.
Thankfully, Dom was exactly where I was expecting him to be. It was a good spot, striking the perfect balance between the entrance to the ice surface, the locker rooms, and the washrooms. He must have gotten ready quickly to ensure he could stake a claim there and save me the trouble of going around looking for him. I skipped small talk and went straight to asking, “Have you seen Elodie?”
“Yeah, but it must’ve been at least half an hour ago,” he said, looking at Seth for confirmation.
Seth nodded. “She headed that way.” He jabbed a thumb over his shoulder. “She seemed really focused on something. I don’t think she looked around once. I figured she was going to grab something or find her coach and then she’d come back.” His eyes met his partner’s. “You guys haven’t seen her?”
Alexa shook her head. “We thought she would be with you.”
Dom’s eyes met mine. His expression said that he also suspected what this was about. “One of us should probably check up on her.”
By someone, he clearly meant me. I knew her best. “I’ll go,” I volunteered. “Maybe she needs to talk it out.” I didn’t have to say what “it” was. By now, even Seth and Alexa must have realized why Elodie was freaked out.
I power-walked in the direction Seth had pointed, keeping my eyes peeled for Elodie’s dress or jacket. There was some time before I would have to skate, but the same couldn’t be said for her. If she needed help pulling herself together, I was going to have to work fast.
After walking past a short hallway, I took a couple of steps back. I’d caught a glimpse of the telltale bright red I’d been looking for and sure enough, Elodie was a few feet down. She was pacing back and forth, looking down at her feet. Her grey running shoes were an interesting match to the lilac skirt peeking out under the red jacket, but I didn’t have time to focus on the clashing colours. “Elodie?” I said, making my way to where she was pacing. “Are you okay?”
She jumped at her name. When she spun towards me, her already big eyes were wider than usual. “Hazel,” she said, with the tone of somebody who was trying to be casual and failing miserably. “What are you doing here?” She clearly hadn’t been expecting anyone to find her.
“I came to check on you,” I said. “When Alexa and I were done, we didn’t see you, so we thought you’d be waiting with the guys. But then they said they hadn’t seen you in a while. Seth said you’d been headed this way, so here I am.”
“I’m fine,” she said. She resumed her pacing.
I raised my eyebrows. “It doesn’t seem like you’re fine,” I said bluntly. “Do you want to talk about it? It might be good to get it out.”
“What is there to talk about?” she asked. “The fact that I screwed up so badly four years ago? And that my ankle hadimproved, but still gives me problems from time to time? That?” Her voice got higher pitched as she spoke.
“We can talk about whatever you want.” I tried to use the tone my mother would use when I was freaking out about something as a kid. “Maybe we can talk about how you’ve been jumping higher than ever these last few months. Or how you are part of a team today and that they’re all here to cheer you on. Or maybe we can talk about how Seohyun is going to cheer for us if South Korea doesn’t make it to the team finals.”
