“No. This is embarrassing, even without that." I forced myself to sit up. I wasn't going to avoid eye contact like a child, no matter how awkward this got. "It’s mortifying that you knew I had a crush on you back then. I thought you didn't know, because you never mentioned anything."
He stayed still for a while, looking at me inquisitively. The slightest trace of a smirk crossed his lips as he watched me. I had a sneaking suspicion that he was enjoying the fact that thisrevelation was causing me some degree of distress. Despite that, it was a comfortable silence. Finally, when most of my tea was gone, he asked, “Are you feeling any better?”
I nodded. For the last few minutes, my concerns had been focused entirely on his knowledge that I’d liked him. I hadn't thought about Brandon. “You’re good at distracting me.”
“I aim to please,” he said. He left the ice pack on the table and dumped the rest of his tea in the sink, rinsing out it and the mug.
Following his lead, I walked over to the sink. Dom didn’t try to create some distance between us, letting me reach past him rather than walking away so I had the area to myself. It wasn’t very often that I felt happy that somebody was in my space, but this was different. “Are you doing okay?” I asked.
“I think I’m going to have a giant bruise, but that’s okay. It should be gone before the first competition. If not, maybe I can finally convince some hockey players that male ice skaters are tough, too.” He was clearly joking, but the part of him that had been teased for figure skating when he was younger probably would appreciate that. He looked down at me and said, “Are you okay if I go now?”
“That’s what I tried to tell you the entire time,” I said. Begrudgingly, I admitted, “It was nice that you stuck around for a bit, though. At least now I don’t have to go to bed wondering if you’re going to want to stay away from me.”
We had made it to the entrance, so he leaned over to slip on his shoes. “You never need to worry about that,” he said. “I wouldn’t take a punch for somebody I didn’t want to spend time with.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” I said.
He unlocked the door, sliding the bolts into position, but waited with his hand on the doorknob instead of opening it. “I’ll see you on Monday, okay?”
“Okay,” I said. “I’ll buy you a coffee.”
He grinned. “A big one. And you better not be late, or you are going to have to deal with a cranky partner until the caffeine kicks in.”
“I’ve been warned,” I said. “Now go home and get some sleep.”
He obliged, and I locked the door behind him. Suddenly, I was exhausted. By the time I had showered, removed my makeup, and crawled into bed, I was already half asleep.
Chapter 12
Chapter 12
WhenIwokeupon Saturday, I had a couple of blissful moments in the stage between being awake and asleep where my mind was peaceful and empty. Unfortunately, I didn’t even make it out of my pile of blankets before my mind flooded with memories of the night before. I pulled my phone off of the charger on my nightstand and was greeted with a slew of messages, including some from Brandon’s friends. I didn’t think I had it in me to deal with those. Somehow, answering my mother seemed easier. Her message was sweet, hoping I’d had a good night with my friends and that I wasn’t too hungover. Dread pooled in my stomach at the thought of telling her the truth.
I brushed off everyone’s attempts to meet up with me for the rest of the weekend, claiming that I desperately needed to do some fall cleaning. The apartment could use a good scrub down, since I put it off when life was busy, but it wasn’t so bad that I couldn’t have done something fun if I really wanted to. I didn’t want to have to pretend everything was fine in front of people, though. Cleaning was preferable to being pitied. Spending timeby myself and making sure everything was together before the season kicked off was strangely therapeutic.
The pressure of preparing for the first competition of the year really began to set in over the weekend. We were getting close to the official start of the season. The next time we performed for anyone, it would be in front of crowds and judges. Needing to buckle down provided a convenient excuse when I didn’t want to deal with people. Their concern was nice and all, but it could get on my nerves.
The Grand Prix would comprise six competitions in six different countries. Thankfully, the schedule didn’t require us to attend all the events. Instead, the pool of competitors was divided up and assigned to two of the competitions to compete in. To ensure that each event would have some of the best, they assigned two of the six highest-ranking pairs to each event. When the events were done, the six with the best scores would move on to the finals in yet another city.
In late June, Dom and I had received word that we would compete in Canada and Russia that fall. It wasn’t a bad combination. We would have the advantage of skating at home first, in front of a friendly crowd. We would then have three weeks before we would need to be in Russia, although going at the last minute was never a good idea with the possibility of jet lag. Considering all the competitions took place between mid-October and late November, it was a decent spread. And with luck, we would have another couple of weeks before we would skate in the finals.
While I spent my personal life trying to avoid talking about my breakup with Brandon, things were going well at the rink. On the ice, my only problem was that Dom and I did not have the consistency we’d hoped for with the quadruple twist. The first time we landed it cleanly in practice was thrilling. From the first attempt, we had known that the speed and height wereon another level from the triple. It was sheer stubbornness that made us persist, even when we were exhausted.
When I extended away from Dom after landing on the twist, with one of my legs and my arms outstretched, he’d had the biggest grin I’d ever seen. I screamed with excitement. Dom and Mark didn’t show their excitement the same way, but it had been the push we all used to keep going. I was chasing the rush again, so the bumps and jolts from failed landings were a small price to pay.
Thanksgiving provided a much-needed long weekend, away from the rink and the ever-increasing tension that was building there. Both of our programs were ready for competition in my mind, but Mark and Olga didn’t agree. They had taken to pointing out tinier and tinier problems as time went on. The details were important, but trying to keep all of them at the front of my mind put me on edge. Every time we started up again, it seemed like I had a new thing on my list of things to pay attention to. As hard as I tried, there was always something that slipped through the cracks. Mark’s insistence that we drop the attempt at the quad twist for the time being just added to the frustration.
The day Mark and Olga called it on the quad twist, Dom and I had taken our time getting off the ice. There weren’t many places that we could guarantee that we would be alone, but for the next few minutes, the ice was one of them. As soon as the door to the rink had clanged shut with its heavy thud, I pivoted on my right foot to look at Dom. “Fuck. I thought we were going to be ready before the season started.”
“I thought so, too,” he said. There was no need to point out that it would take a monumental breakthrough in the next week for that to happen. We were scheduled to fly out a few days before the competition started on Friday. Once we were there,we would need to get into the competition mindset. “We have time before the other competitions, though.”
We could sub the triple for a quad later in the year if we mastered it, but I’d feel better if we had it now. “I’ll feel better once we see what everyone else has for the season.”
“Be patient,” Dom said. He started skating towards the gap in the boards and I followed close on his heels. “We’ll know what we’re up against soon.”
“Only two,” I countered. Williams and Coleman would kick off the season in the United States the weekend before us, along with Petrova and Rybakov. I rested my hands on the edge of the boards while I waited for Dom to get his skate guards on and move out of the way.
He stepped to the side. With his hands shoved in his pockets, he watched as I slipped on my skate guards. “How about we make a deal? You don’t worry about what everyone else has improved over the summer until we see what they’re working with. If there is anything for us to be worried about, then you can spiral. If everyone is suddenly getting 230s, then you can stress. Until then, I choose to believe that we’ll have the quad soon.”
