Rowan shakes his head. “Not even close. If anything, I’ve been taking advantage of the fact that we don’t share the same beliefs since the night we met. I convinced myself that giving into lust with you wasn’t all that wrong if you were just going to find some other guy to hook up with anyway, which we both know you weren’t going to do. And even if you had, I’m not in any position to judge you for it. I haven’t done you any favors by letting you think you had to earn my affection by sleeping with me, either.”
“But we didn’t sleep together,” I say quietly. “And you made sure no one suspects otherwise. You got what you wanted.”
“I didn’t want anyone to find out because … Well, it’s not that I’m embarrassed ofyouso much as what we ...” He stops and scratches the back of his head before he starts again. “Sorry. That’s not ... Look, what I’m trying to say is that I don’t usually care what anyone thinks of me. I haven’t stayed chaste this long without earning some criticism or having to defend my choices, and a big part of my motivation thus far was to set a good example for my siblings. So it was more important for me to keep what happened between us quiet because I didn’t want it to seem like I was condoning—Wait, that’s not quite it, either.”
I cross my arms over my middle. “What makes you so sure I wasn’t just as embarrassed for people to find out about us? I made it clear from the beginning that a casual hookup was all I ever wanted from you.”
He flinches, but I continue. “And I basically liedto my only friend on your behalf, so don’t you dare act like telling Daisy the truth was a sacrifice foryou.”
“I know, I’m sorry. That came out all wrong.”
“You say that a lot for someone so nice,” I retort, though I’m already feeling guilty about my rant.
“I know,” he repeats with a whimper. “It’s just … it’s a poor excuse, but you always look so good in the mornings, and it’s even harder not to notice when you’re wearing that robe I got you. I shouldn’t be thinking of you that way, especially since I’m already in so much trouble. But I mean it when I say you’re distractingly beautiful. I actually worked on a speech all night, rehearsed it in my truck and everything, and my heart started racing and my head went blank as soon as I looked at you.”
I twist my lips to the side, pretending to consider what he’s saying. But the truth is that I enjoy unnerving him more than I should.
“You’re right. That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard … But go on.”
His mouth turns up in a smirk, and I’m annoyed at the way his dimples make my stomach dip.
“I’m sorry. I’ll start over.” He takes a deep breath before he begins again. “Thank you for being willing to hear me out. I want to offer my sincerest, most contrite apology for failing to be honest with you from the beginning, as well as for not owning up to my actions so far. I’ve been a coward and a hypocrite, and that stops now.”
“Hmm. You’re getting warmer,” I say with a shrug.
“And I …” He trails off and looks down at his feet for a second. “I wasn’t lying just now when I said that I lose my head around you, but that’s not the only reason for my stupidity. I’ve been so absorbed with my own guilt that I let you take some of the blame for tempting me and highlighting my weaknesses. I’ve been acting like a resentful, self-righteous asshole, while you have been a caring, open-hearted, and compassionate friend in return.”
He must have really done some deep self-reflection overnight,because that was pretty thorough. Luckily, he still hasn’t poked at my biggest bruise.
But my lips part in a gasp when he surprises me again by kneeling down in front of me.
“I’m truly sorry, Claire, and I promise to do everything I can to make up for all the ways I’ve hurt you and to be a better friend from here on out,” he says, gazing up at me.
He’s in his underwear. This dude is literally on his freaking knees, in hiscaleçons, groveling and begging me for my forgiveness. Even with the dogs scampering around him, it’s the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.
I cannot, under any circumstances, grab him by the face and kiss him …
Can I?
His throat works as he awaits my reply, and I have to remind myself that he didn’t intend for his apology to be so sexy.
“I know you thought you’d seem more sincere by getting down on your knees like this,” I pause to clear my throat when I hear how breathy my voice sounds, “but it’s not exactly eliciting the desired effect, especially since you’re not wearing any pants.”
“It’s not?” he asks, frowning. “I figured it would just up the humility factor.”
“Yeah, well, you’re not the only one who’s easily distracted,” I mumble, and he struggles to hide his smile. “I’m not kidding. You’d better get your adorable ass up off the floor before I give you another reason to resent me.”
He whimpers playfully and rises to his feet, and I take another sip of my coffee and force myself to look away.
“Can I assume you’ve forgiven me now that you think I’m adorable again?” he ventures after a while.
I heave out a loud sigh. “I appreciate all this, I do. But you sort of missed the point.”
“I have?” he asks, his expression falling before he runs a hand over his face. “Of course I have.”
Great. Now I have to hear him apologize again. I should have just left it at that.
“Look, Rowan, I’m not?—”
