“You haven’truinedme. It’s not like that.”
I’m still thinking about that last statement and whether I believe it myself when she reaches out and shoves me in the chest. “You ass, you’ve been letting me make a fool of myself! When were you going to tell me? After the next time I threw myself at you?”
I cringe. “If it makes you feel any better, being celibate is the only thing keeping me from …”
“It doesn’t make me feel any better,” she mumbles. “But I guess some of the stuff you’ve said and done makes a little more sense now.”
“Exactly. All those times I’ve had to pull away were because I needed to and not because I wanted to,” I tell her with a hopeful smile. But she doesn’t smile in return.
“So what’s your excuse for lying to me?”
She pierces my chest with that one, my guilt seeping from the open wound.
“I didn’t intend to keep anything from you. It just … happened. I mean, I tried to tell you, but I couldn’t find the right time.”
She clicks her tongue. “Funny how that works, since you’ve been encouraging me to open up to you and share so many personal …” She shakes her head. “I’ve told you things I’ve never told anyone before. And all this time, you haven’t been honest with me.”
“Claire,” I begin, willing my lungs to expand when my chest tightens again. “I’m sorry.”
“Gah, I can’t believe I was so stupid,” she whines and covers her face with her hands.
“No, no, you haven’t done anything stupid. I’m the one?—”
“You’re the one who’s been pretending to care about me just long enough to get my help,” she cuts me off.
“No,” I repeat as I take an involuntary step closer to her. “I do care about you, I swear.”
“All you care about is making sure everyone thinks you’re a saint. But maybe if you spent more energy doing the right thing in the first place, you wouldn’t be so afraid of people finding out who you really are.”
I swallow hard. “I can’t argue with that, at least not the second part.” She frowns, probably not expecting me to agree with her. “I never meant to hurt you, though,” I continue. “I may have been scared to tell you the whole truth, but I still hold all the things you’ve confided in me in my heart. Your feelings are very, very important to me.”
Her chest heaves as she pins me with a dangerous glare. “Well, the jokes on you, then. I don’t have any of those, remember?” she replies sarcastically, but the trembling in her voice betrays her. She growls in frustration and blinks back her tears as she turns to shove her feet into her boots, then she storms out, slamming the door behind her.
thursday
10:21 PM
Rowan
Missed Call - Rowan LaFleur
I really am sorry. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?
Please talk to me, Claire. I’d do anything to make this right.
What if I told Landry and Daisy everything, so at least they’d know I’ve been in the wrong this whole time? Would that be okay with you?
Missed Call - Rowan LaFleur
Okay, so interrupting my sister and my best friend in bed to tell them the story of the time I chickened out of losing my virginity might actually be the most humbling experience of my life, second only to the actual night itself.
Also, they both agree I’m the worst and approve of my plan to go over right now and grovel at your feet, if that’s okay?
You don’t have any guns in the house, do you?
Missed Call – RowanLaFleur
Claire, please open up. Oscar and Frankie are scratching and whining at the front door, so I know you can hear me knocking.
