“Wish I could say the same for myself,” I mutter.
He sighs. “Come on, Rowan. Don’t do this to yourself forever. Go to confession, work past it, do better next time. If anyone understands how God’s mercy works, it’s you, right?”
“I tried, but I don’t know if I’ve ever been more disappointed in myself,” I say, though I’m secretly impressed by Landry’s maturity.
“So you slipped up, what, once in thirty-three years? And I get it, you feel bad about lying to her, but?—”
“No, you don’t get it,” I interrupt him. “This wasn’t an accident. I made the deliberate decision to sin, and I’ve been ignoring my conscience and throwing myself at temptation ever since. Not to mention all the lies of omission,” I say, running a hand through my hair.
“So you and Claire really have been messing around?” he asks, sounding confused.
I open my mouth to say something else before I think better of it. “What exactly did she tell you after I walked out?”
His brow lifts in surprise. “I think I’d rather get your side of the story first.”
“Not much, then.”
“Enough to know she didn’t actually turn you down the first time you asked her out.”
“That bit was actually true. I asked to see her again, practically begged her to give me another shot, but she refused.”
“And?”
I sigh. “And I was so lonely and desperate that I nearly slept with her anyway,” I admit quietly.
He chokes on a laugh. “Nearly?”
“Why are you suddenly so interested in my love life?”
Landry shrugs. “I told you, it’s reassuring.”
“Yeah, well, you’re not supposed to be celebrating my fall from grace,” I grumble.
“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t get some validation from knowing you’re actually capable of something like this. But if I’m celebrating anything, it’s that you finally found someone who makes you want to take a risk. I was honestly starting to worry you’d set your expectations too high. It’s nice to see you giving one of us mere mortals a chance.”
“I hate to disappoint you again, but Claire and I aren’t dating,” I correct him. “And we really haven’t …”
“Oh, so youdidmanage to preserve your virtue?” he asks, entirely too amused.
“Yes.” I cringe. “Well, technically … I think.”
“But you did more than kiss her.”
I roll my eyes, but it’s mostly to distract myself from my own thoughts. “More than enough to make a trip to the confessional pretty awkward.”
“How do you confess that kind of thing, anyway?”
“I’m not even sure I used the right terminology, since I never had to before,” I reply, scratching my head.
“Hmm,” he hums thoughtfully. “Bet Daisy could tell you what to say.”
Anger flares behind my eyes, and I instinctively punch him in the shoulder. But Landry only chuckles and rubs his arm. “Maybe I should’ve let your sister take this one after all.”
“The last thing I want to do is look her in the eyes and admit that I’m a hypocrite for lecturing you guys about living together before you were sacramentally married. Meanwhile, I’ve been out here …” It’s probably for the best if I leave things ambiguous.
“Call one of your brothers.”
“They’ll only make it worse,” I say automatically. Heath and Cyprien are great guys, but Landry knows as well as I do that I’ve always felt like an outsider among my brothers, especially since they were so much closer in age. They were also lucky enough to get married in their early twenties, so they can’t exactly relate to my challenges with dating. And I can already imagine the looks of pity on their faces.
