“Oh, hey, Claire. You all right?” he asks, glaring at me after my rude interruption.
“Yeah, fine,” she answers, turning to face me. “Just came out to see who was blocking my driveway.”
Of courseshe’sgoing to witness my accidental DUI. What are the chances this would happen in front of her house? Wasn’t it enough that I had to watch her interact with my family from afar all night after I butchered our reunion, then swallow my pride again when she so generously volunteered to stay behind and help us clean the reception hall?
My pulse quickens, and I scold myself for being more concerned with someone witnessing this whole fiasco than the possibility of actually going to jail. Because it can’t just be the sound of Claire’s voice making my heart go crazy right now, can it?
“Sorry ‘bout that, sweetheart. But I’m in the middle of something right here, so I’m gonna need you to go back inside, for your own safety. At least until I can get this uncooperative drunk driver off the road for the night.”
I roll my eyes and scoff, and Claire snorts out a laugh of her own. “This one might be uncooperative, but I don’t think we have anything to worry about,” she calls out with a tinge of amusement.
“You know this stranger?” Mr. Godchaux asks in surprise.
I close my right eye and attempt to make out Claire’s expression in the dark. Yeah, she’s definitely enjoying this.
“We’ve met,” she replies cooly.
“Maisouai, I guess you been at the Reed wedding, too,” he says thoughtfully. “That little bride teaches wit’ ya, doesn’t she?”
“Yes, sir,” Claire replies. “And she’s a sweet girl. The whole family seems nice.”
I sigh in relief when she takes pity on me. “Claire, please tell him I’m not drunk. I’ve never even been drunk in my life.”
“I don’t know about that last part, but I have seen him under the influence of allergy meds before. And he’s a lot more fun when he’s less sober,” she says dryly. It seems like she might be moving closer, but it’s still hard for me to tell. I squint again, and she pins me with a confused glare.
“What’s wrong wit’ you, boy? And why the hell you keep try’na wink at everyone?” the deputy asks, shining his light in my face again.
I wince. “Like I said, my eye hurts. And the way you keep blinding me isn’t helping.”
“Yeah, but there’s something else,” he insists. “You ain’t from the city, are you?”
“Grew up on a farm,” I mutter.
“Maybe it’s because he was homeschooled,” Claire chimes in, barely containing her laughter.
The cop shakes his head. “That ain’t it, either. You on something else? Some of dem funny gummies?”
“Nah, he’s too straight-laced for that. I think he’s just weird,” Claire says with her hands on her hips.
“Sure, because wearing contacts makes me the weirdo here,” I grind out.
“Oh, I get it,” the deputy says before turning to Claire and whispering, “He’s gotta lil sugar in his tank.”
Claire coughs as she stifles her laughter. “That would explain a lot.”
A growl escapes my throat. “You really wanna know what’s wrong with me? I’m exhausted, okay? I just married my baby sister off to my best friend, which leaves me all alone, the last of my nine siblings. And I am agoodguy, all right? I definitely like women, for the record, and I respect them. Heck, I help women for a living. I never drink and drive. I love kids. I’m a really good uncle and aParrainto a ton of my nieces and nephews. I go to church, I give to charity, and I pray the rosary, like, every day,” I tell them, ticking my qualities off on my fingers. “I’m the kind of guy who walks across the parking lot to save his shopping buggy. Yet, there are eight examples of people with the same genes and upbringing as mine who were able to find true love—nine if you count the control group, AKA the grumpy asshole that’s currently embarking on a honeymoon with my sister—and I can’t even manage to avoid the emergency room or a sober DUI in front of the first woman I’ve liked in as long as I canremember!”
I hear Claire snort beside us, but I don’t look her way. “So while the idea of drowning my sorrows with a few mood-stabilizing gummies and the rest of that champagne I passed on earlier sounds pretty damned good right now, I can honestly say I’m not high or drunk. I’m just pathetic and tired, and quite possibly blind in one eye. And I wanna go home, but I live two hours away. So my only option is to crash with Coach Reed, which probably speaks for itself.”
Mr. Godchaux nods at that. “Yeah, Leslie Reed has always been an asshole,” he offers, then flinches. “Sorry ‘bout my language, sweetheart,” he directs at Claire.
“I’m honestly more surprised to hear Dr. Green Flag knows how to cuss,” she replies.
I shake my head and slump back against my truck. “Seriously, what do I have to do to get out of this? Can I call a lawyer? I’ve got one in Camellia who owes me a couple of favors.”
The deputy clears his throat. “If I let you go now, how are you going to get to Coach Reed’s?”
“I’ll drive him,” Claire answers for me.
