Sighing, I take a second to wallow in my loneliness before I garner a sympathetic look from Loren. I fidget uncomfortably as I rearrange my expression again, and she flashes me a polite smile in return. But it only reminds me of our epic failure of a blind date last year, which makes me feel even worse.
I turn away, my gaze catching on a familiar face in the pews. An audible gasp escapes my lips when I lock eyes with the one woman I never thought I’d see again, in the last place I thought I’d ever see her.
Claire smirks and lifts her brow in recognition, and I swallowhard and tug at the collar of my shirt before I manage a halfhearted smile in return.
What the heck isshedoing here?
It’s not that I haven’t been secretly hoping to run into her again. And she looks just as beautiful and sexy as ever—that much I can tell from across the church. The problem is that we’reinchurch, and I don’t usually have this much trouble not thinking of anyone as sexy here.
My pulse quickens as I recall the night we spent together a few weeks ago, when I bent my self-imposed vow to remain celibate until marriage as far as I could without actually breaking it—with a married woman, no less. And while I may not have been fully culpable for that last bit, since I wasn’t aware that her divorce wouldn’t be finalized for a few more days, I’m still at fault for jumping into bed with someone I barely knew, ready and willing to surrender to my lust and take another soul down with me.
Maybe I’m being overly scrupulous by refusing to forgive myself for what I’ve done. But I’m supposed to be overwrought with guilt after breaking the rules and cutting myself off from God’s grace. Yet, most of my remorse stems from simply hurting Claire.
No matter how many times I replay the events of that night in my mind, my biggest regret remains leaving her in tears, especially after everything she’d confided in me. It’s also a reminder that I’m a hypocrite, because I know I’d still give in to temptation if I could do it all over again, except I wouldn’t have the strength to walk out on her the second time around.
I blow out a careful exhale, suppressing the surge of emotions courtesy of Claire’s presence, and I notice Loren eying me curiously. I force another fake smile and do my best to focus on the rest of the Convalidation ceremony, but I’m a total mess now that I know Claire could be watching. I end up fumbling Daisy’s ring as I hand it over to Landry, then dropping it again and having to chase it down after it rolls away from the altar.
Great. I’ve managed to garner the attention of the entire congregation now, because the way my family looked at me as if I had twoheads when I skipped Holy Communion earlier wasn’t enough. I couldn’t bring myself to go up, though, despite having already confessed my sins. I know my imperfect contrition is sufficient, but I can’t help feeling like I don’t deserve absolution this time, not with everything that’s been swimming around in my head lately.
I’m practically crawling out of my own skin by the time we’re reintroduced to “Dr. and Mrs. Reed.” I’ve got to get out of this church before everyone sees the sweat stains forming under my armpits. Even Juniper senses my agitation, moving closer to Daisy and glaring at me with distrust. We finally get the signal to start the recessional, and Loren struggles to keep up when I nearly drag her down the aisle.
“Hey, you okay?” she stretches up to whisper as we reach the atrium.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I reassure Loren, though my voice cracks the second I spot Claire again. Someone tries to usher us back inside for pictures, but I pause to watch as Claire makes her way out to the parking lot, stopping to chat with Tenley, my new coworker, and her husband, JD. Daisy mentioned before that he was the assistant principal of their school, so it tracks that Claire would know him.
Because Claire must teach here, in Camellia, which means she and Daisy are coworkers. That’s why she’s here, at my sister’s wedding. Becausethey’re friends. I think Daisy’s even mentioned her before, but I’ve been too stupid to put it all together.
Shit.
The entire bridal party turns to glare at me in shock when I inadvertently let the curse fly.
“Rowan?” Daisy’s concern is certainly warranted this time. I rarely use that kind of language, and I’m stillinchurch.
“Sorry,” I mumble awkwardly. “I was just … thinking out loud. Sorry.”
Landry eyes me suspiciously before turning back to face the camera, and I let out another loud exhale before I follow suit. It’s going to be a long night.
CHAPTER TWELVE
rowan
“Careful there, Doc,”Blake drawls as he winks at Loren and gathers a second baby at his side. “My wife had a peanut butter and pickle sandwich earlier, and I hear you’ve got a pretty severe allergy.”
I snort out a laugh, but I still hesitate to take Loren’s hand when the wedding party is called up for a dance. “Thanks for the warning. I’ll be sure to keep my distance,” I reply, doing my best to sound witty and totally not as intimidated as I actually feel.
“Ignore him,” Loren tells me, rolling her eyes as she grabs me by the elbow. “He knows you’re a gentleman. And even if you weren’t, his arms are too full to defend my honor, anyway.”
“Come on, Agnes. We all know I do some of my best work with my hands full.” Blake grins at her as their twins squirm against his chest. “Look what I made last time.”
From what I can tell, they’re one of those couples who don’t mind making everyone around them uncomfortable with their public arguments and borderline inappropriate banter. Except their threats always sound more like shameless flirting, especially with Blake undressing her with his eyes as he delivers his comebacks.
Loren hauls me onto the dance floor as she calls out, “Whatever you say, Daddy,” over her shoulder, and I laugh through a groan.
Man, do I want this. Well, maybe notthisexactly. I could certainly deal without the crude undertone. The memory of Claire’s sexy smirk as she delivers a suggestive line flashes through my mind, stirring enough butterflies within me to immediately disprove that theory. I shake my head as I attempt to refocus.
“Sorry about that,” Loren says with a contradictory smile. “We’re weird. I know.”
“This whole situation is still a bit weird,” I retort as we shift into a platonic waltz.
