“It’s okay,” I reassure her. “Well, it’s not okay that you thought I’d be more embarrassed to tell my family you were my girlfriend than to admit that you’re not, but I guess that’s my own fault for letting you believe it.”
She sniffles and swipes at her cheeks. “I know how much their approval means to you.”
“Nothing means more to me than your feelings do,” I say, testing her reaction, but she doesn’t reply.
I hold out my hand, palm up, and she hesitates before she laces her fingers through mine. An involuntary sigh escapes as I revel in the contact, and I consider bringing her hand up to my lips for a kiss.
“You should go, you know, on that date,” she says after a while, popping my bubble.
“What?”
“That girl they mentioned, Cecelia? She sounds lovely. You deserve someone who can give you everything you pictured in your vision, and I bet she’d fit right in.”
I squeeze Claire’s hand. “You fit in pretty well with myfamily today.”
“Your family’s amazing. But that’s not what I meant. You need someone who?—”
“So you want me to just forget about the way you make me feel and force it with someone else because she sounds perfect for me on paper?” I blurt out.
Claire lets out a loud exhale and tugs her hand free. “Go on the date, Rowan. You owe it to yourself.”
Why is it that the harder I try with her, the more I manage to screw things up?
I think back to some of the advice she’s given me, when she said I’ve been too nice in my pursuits, but I’m not sure I’ve been nice enough to Claire in the first place. I suppose it couldn’t hurt to try being a little more assertive, though.
“Won’t you be jealous?” I force myself to ask.
She chokes on her reaction. “Why would I be … jealous?” she replies in between coughs, and I bite back a smile.
“You’ve had me all to yourself for a while. But if either of us started dating other people, our relationship wouldn’t be appropriate anymore. I definitely wouldn’t be able to hang out at your place.”
She lifts her chin indignantly. “Seems like a guy with your moral code would have considered coed sleepovers to be inappropriate from the jump. And what makes you so sure I haven’t been waiting for you to start going out with other women so I wouldn’t feel bad about getting back out there myself?”
I grunt. “I thought you said you couldn’t see yourself getting married again.”
“Who said anything about husband hunting?”
“So you plan on advertising that you’re not interested in anything serious?” I blurt out before I can stop myself.
She snorts. “Why do you care?”
“I don’t want you wasting your time on the kind of man who’s willing to use you and leave you, especially since you’re more sensitive about that stuff than you let on.”
“Because that’s so much worse than the guy who’s always embarrassed to be seen with me, even though he knows better.”
I clench my jaw tightly in lieu of answering her.
“Don’t waste your energy worrying about me. I can handle myself. Besides, I could use a casual fling right about now, since I can’t even remember the last time I’ve gotten laid,” she says sarcastically.
“Yeah, well, you can’t forbid me from worrying about you and say something like that in the same breath,” I retort. “As your friend, I’m allowed to be concerned about your safety and your well-being. And your soul.”
“Look who’s back on his holier-than-thou bullshit,” she grumbles, crossing her arms over her middle.
“I guess it’s too bad you’re stuck with me for the next couple of hours,bestie.”
She growls, while my eyes instinctively graze the clock on my dash after I mention the time. I stifle a curse, and she winces at the sound of it.
“What now?” she asks defensively.
